OH and I have been together for 5 years and have 2 small children plus my teen.
Sex is awful. It’s boring and unsatisfying. I have to think of unfulfilled fantasies to get off, that's if he hasn’t PE’d and stopped. When that happens he rolls off and goes to sleep, no concern that I haven’t orgasmed. Recently he’s been faking cramp once he’s finished to try and hide the fact he’s stopped from PE, completely oblivious to the fact I know when he’s come.
I resent his selfish attitude to sex, that he only does it when he’s in the mood and if I want sex he fakes a headache or goes to sleep early.
It’s always in missionary, he has no imagination or desire towards me for anything else. He’s never performed oral sex on me so I stopped giving it to him years back. I now rely on my vibrators and it’s a really humiliating distressing situation for me, crying and begging for sex isn’t something I envisioned for myself.
I started an argument about it 5 weeks ago as it was only happening once a month if that, it’s now once a fortnight. I have a high sex drive and for me thats still not enough. I asked him if we could try once every 2 days just to get in the swing of it and try new things. He said yes then avoided me all week once the kids were in bed.
The last time it lasted long enough for me to orgasm I felt embarrassed, that’s never happened to me before. It was like giving an intimate moment to a stranger on the street.
I’ve had enough and I’m now considering a FWB. I want to tell him that he needs to improve and it needs to be more regular and fun. But then I realised if it were a man saying it to a woman it would be considered abusive and controlling. I don’t want to coerce him into sex he doesn’t want, but I have needs and he doesn’t even try. He knows it’s important to me. I’ve considered he’s gone off me and doesn’t find me attractive anymore. He strongly denies it. There’s no passion it just makes me want to cry.
Am I within my rights to make these demands or ask him to leave if he isn’t willing to? I don’t want to split up over sex as our relationship is otherwise great. But I can’t spend the rest of my life having irregular shit sex, I’m 37 he’s 34.
I want to tell him that if he isn’t willing to have a healthy sexual relationship with me then he will have to accept me finding someone who is willing to or leave me if he isn’t comfortable with it. Again it would essentially be bullying him into sex he doesn’t want to keep me. I just want him to want me and for me to not have to ask for decent sex.
Can anyone advise please ?