Feeling excluded from family

[1710sunset]

Adult Dd boyfriends and DH have formed a merry band of watching sport, banter and pub going at a weekend. I’m lost to it all. I have no interest and never have and just feel excluded. I end up in another room most of the time or left at home.

if I mention how I feel I’m encouraged to join in. Watch the sport. Come to the pub. But I just don’t enjoy it. I like walking. Cooking. Gardening. But it’s excluding me from my family. I’m just lost 😞

I work full time. I have friends and a social life. But am I wrong to feel like a family extra.

Do your DDs go to the pub and watch sport too?

oh just join in - it's funny how you get to like something if you show an interest. We have to try new stuff now and again it keeps us mentally healthy.

You can do your other hobbies with your friends.

Yes they do

I really don’t want to sit and watch sport with drunk people at the pub. Nope.

I have tried. Really I have. I just don’t get it.

Then you are excluding yourself?

What do you want from this thread @1710sunset ? Genuine question.

So what do you think the right way to resolve this is?

What do you want them to change?

You are either going to have to join in or let them get on with it without you.

You've only got two choices, OP. Either make the world's biggest effort to join in their fun. Or do your own thing. It's your choice. They're not excluding you. You could also suggest you do a walk then pub - something for everyone.

If they've all got some common ground and enjoy doing an activity, then it's good form for you to try to join in occasionally. It doesn't sound like they're excluding you really as there's an open offer for you to join? If you don't want to then that's your choice.

Probably emphasised the wrong thing in my Op. I feel excluded at home. Never mind, just feel a bit crap tonight.

What would you be looking for to happen? For them to stop their hobby?

But you still haven’t answered how this can be resolved in a way that makes you happy?

If you are unhappy with the situation, you must have an idea of what would make you happier about it.

I understand this would be my hell too. Maybe arrange for them to come over for dinner, go out for the day every now and then. And whoever said this was a hobby is ridiculous. Drinking on a pub watching tv is not a hobby!!!

They live here. It’s constantly

You are not being excluded. You are choosing not to join in. Do you expect them not to go?

What do you all do together that you enjoy? Board games, concerts, comedy shoes, meals out, walks? There are lots of ways to hang out.

Board games is my families way of hanging out and having fun.

That’s my point. They don’t and won’t do these things.

I get you OP. I’m a mum of 3 boys. When they were younger we were inseparable but as they’ve got older they have moved more towards the things that their dad likes - mainly playing and watching sport…specifically football & golf.
I do feel a bit left out sometimes. I’ve got no interest in football AT ALL. I can bring myself to watch an international or a big game just to be involved but no interest in just watching random games. And I’ve tried golf but I’m rubbish & it’ll take more time than I have to get good at it.
We bond a bit over walks, food, pets & do try to have some family TV viewing but yeah I can only see it getting worse to be honest.
Sympathies to you.

That’s my point. They don’t and won’t do these things

Surely there must be something. 🙁

But you don't and won't do what they want to do either, so everyone's being stubborn. There must be a middle ground or compromise. What about finding a pub quiz? They're still at the pub, but it's closer to a game than just a drinking session.

If they all live with you then they need to make an effort to accomodate your interests too. It shouldn’t be sports all the time. Tell your DH one on one how you feel.