Am I right to be upset?

[Ledy92]

I just need to know if I’m overreacting or what.
Mine and my husbands 10th anniversary was this Valentine’s Day.
I told him two weeks before as I knew he wasn’t going to do anything, that for once im leaving it up to him, to get a babysitter and you book somewhere nice.
anyway, 4 days before, I still haven’t heard anything from him, his favourite hobby is darts. In the car he joked and said oh I better check an order after mentioning again that Valentine’s Day is coming up, I smiled and said who’s that for? He said never you mind with a smile on his face (I obvz took that as it was for me) I’m sitting there thinking omg he’s actually thought about me.
Anyway, that night there was a knock at the door (Amazon) he pulls it out infront of me and goes SURPRISE. It was a £100 pair of darts that he really wanted. I was so pissed off, because, I then showed him that’s what I ordered him for our 10 year anniversary along with a personalised card and trophy with our engraving on for our 10 years. I had to cancel the darts as he already ordered them (after pretending the order was for me) he was so appreciative and said that’s the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever done for him. He then went on to say where do you want to go and asked me to book it. (Which I did) but I was hurt thinking he pretended this order was for me and again left the planning to me. He said about taking me into town and picking something (but this is the norm for us) we go shopping all the time together.
I still assumed he had got me something even if it was just a card or flowers, just something to wake up to and to show that he actually took note and thought about me.
Again no mention of anything.
A day before valentines/our 10 years I was getting upset thinking has he really not done anything. Just a thought would have been nice.
he said what’s the matter?
I said have u actually got me anything even a card? He could see I was getting upset and turned around and said I was going to walk to the shop in a minute.
I was so upset.
he went to the shop, got me the last half dead flowers and a card.
I know deep down even after he knew what I had done for him and after telling him two weeks ago that for once I’m leaving it up to him, he was still going to do nothing. And he defo wouldn’t have if he hadn’t seen me get upset.
basically there was just no thought or anything, I don’t really care about Valentine’s Day as nothing special happens anyway unless it’s me doing something, but the fact it was our 10 years anniversary, I basically told him how important it was and yet he still got me nothing but made out he did which then ended up being a set of darts that I had already ordered for him. He did tell me to book a meal (which I did) and offered to take me into town to pick something I wanted but to me this isn’t thoughtful it’s just the everyday norm.
am I overacting I don’t know cuz all I know at the moment is I feel so hurt

I'd be hurt too. And angry. 😡

I don't 'do' Valentine's Day and DH and I don't make a big fuss of anniversaries either, but that's because we're both in agreement about it. Every year you've sorted it all out and you told him 2 weeks ago that this time you were leaving it to him. This isn't miscommunication, it's not giving a shit. That much is proven by the smirking and pretending to have got you something then only buying himself darts.

Are there other examples of hurtful behaviour like this?

YANBU - I can understand why you are upset. My question is what are you going to do about it as this is a recurring situation?

He's got the sensitivity of a brick.

It's meaningless whatever he did if he has to be reminded and told. The smirking and hinting is just disgusting. Do not do anything for him for Easter, Fathers Day, birthday or Christmas. He'll say he doesn't care. Be happy he now doesn't have to do anything for you but you'll know where you stand, you can spend the money you would have spent on him on yourself and decide if this is what you want forever.

It was the last straw for my marriage when it was our tenth anniversary, he was working away (leaving me alone with five kids). I posted a card off to where he was staying, and waited for a card or flowers or...well, anything. Nothing. Not even a phone call.
When he came back (ten days later), I asked him if he got the card. 'Oh, yeah, thanks.' That was it. No acknowledgement, nothing for me, no 'thanks for keeping the home together whilst I sod about lying around in hotel rooms and watching TV in the evenings while you're up every night with non sleeping children.' I reckoned if he wasn't going to care, neither was I and since I already was left alone with the kids all the time, I might as well make it permanent.

Sorry but what a cunt.

I know where I’d aim the fucking darts.

I think I’d have drawn the line at being asked. Whatever he gets you after being asked to get you something is just a shit afterthought. You shouldn’t need to tell your husband that you want something for your anniversary if that’s the type of person you are, he should just KNOW that.

What a lump. No finesse or sensitivity. Just crass.

"I was going to walk to the shop in a minute."

Just keep walking pal.

He is taking the piss.

I know where I’d aim the fucking darts

I like to think of myself as someone who wouldn't become physically aggressive with someone, however this post says a lot to me.

he couldn't even book a restaurant - although I'm at a bit of a loss as to why you agreed to do so, when you asked him before.

He needs to start demonstrating some appreciation for you and pronto.

He’s a dick. But you’re also enabling him. Why did you book the restaurant.

you need to have serious words and explain exactly what level of thoughtfulness is needed

Yes you are right to be upset. For our 10 years anniversary, ex husband was abroad for a weekend away with the lads (trip that he did not even bother to tell me about, learnt about it by one of the lads). He did leave before going to his trip a small present in fairness However he did not contact me once during his trip, did not ask how the kids were, not one text not one phone call but could find the time to message a woman on Facebook that he never met.

I booked the meal yes, but then the morning after I cancelled it and we done sod all. Spent the whole day not speaking to each other

I would be so upset. U should not need to remind someone about ur anniversary. Hug to u OP.

In the car he joked and said oh I better check an order after mentioning again that Valentine’s Day is coming up, I smiled and said who’s that for? He said never you mind with a smile on his face (I obvz took that as it was for me) I’m sitting there thinking omg he’s actually thought about me.
Anyway, that night there was a knock at the door (Amazon) he pulls it out infront of me and goes SURPRISE. It was a £100 pair of darts that he really wanted

This is disgusting, all on its own. But to then STILL not get you anything and say:

I was going to walk to the shop in a minute

Honestly, just disgusting.

The worst thing was the present which wasn’t even for you.

What a lazy arse!