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Original poster

Recovery from Narc

3 replies

TheNarcBomb · 15/02/2024 14:13

I wanted to reach out to people who have recovered from narcissistic relationships.

How do you handle the anger?

I am doing this again for the second time. Left narc many years ago and after years of litigation I escaped with child. He was abusive to me and child but I couldn't prove it; he had some contact ordered by the court. He got a new relationship. I was pleased,basically she could be the target.

But that was not what happened. He continued to ask for contact with me and our child. I didn't give it. He moved down the road from me with his girlfriend; I ignored it. She arrived on my doorstep, wanted to be friends. I was polite but no. I stuck to the legal order, end of. I thought, it's a matter of time.

Child grew and moved into secondary. My life got better. The opportunities at work I had put off came in. I felt good. I got more money, and started to be social. I breathed.

Then.

At the start of the year my child said my narc ex and this woman had abused them. Narc did the abuse, girlfriend watched and did nothing to stop it. All contact has stopped and my life is now one constant round of social services, police and concerned school. Child has PTSD. I have to forget any career I wanted to handle this. I am handling it.

But... I can't describe the hatred I have for these people, this narc and his weak girlfriend. I am glad of course my child is finally protected but the damage is huge to us both. I find myself so angry. I know my ex will deny all that has been said and I will have to deal with him, as well as this pathetic woman.

Can anyone relate? I have to keep this all together. But I am so angry. I don't think it is good for me. If something similar happened to you, how did you cope and move through it?

OP posts:
Mr279 · 17/02/2024 03:02

I've recovered from several relationships with narcissistic women. They operate off the same playbook as men, just different people and circumstances really. The anger you're feeling is a very healthy sign that you haven't been worn away by abuse suffered, don't fight it. Be thankful it's there.

Anger just means there's still an active pulse, survival kicking in. Of course you're down, but certainly not out for the count by any stretch, hence, your furious anger. Talk into your phone's recording device for a few minutes a day, recount your exact feelings to yourself in private. Don't hold back, really air out your dirty laundry and listen to what's on your mind. You'll be surprised how quickly you begin to rationalize the experience, how therapeutic that can be.

Get rid of all old sentimental items given to you by the abuser; photos on phone, little gifts and gestures, old cards..stuff you're no longer benefiting from, please dump the lot. Preferably today. Keeping hold of their shit tends to keep them in your sphere, emotionally speaking. This one is more difficult than it looks, but must be done.

I did the same recently with a brand new item I'd always felt had been gifted to me out of guilt. Getting rid helped me draw a line in the sand. Item was a gorgeous coffee machine (unboxed) given away to a good friend who's family will appreciate it.

Keep all communication professional and to the point, strictly about the practicalities of shared parenting. That's it. No feelings or elaborate emotion. Consider silence your new language with this person now. Narcissists live for your reaction, good or bad. They can't sleep without knowing what's on your mind, hopefully confusion and worry over THEM.

Deprive them of that power and cracks will begin to show in their facade. Their stress increases behind the scenes when you stop playing, happens like clockwork with these people. The girlfriend will have her work cut out soon enough, fortunately no longer your problem.

Exercise helps. Do a little something every day. Find something easy on YouTube, loads of videos there. Just find a few to copy and follow the steps slowly, no rush. Super frustrating to start with but remember, this is what the journey of recovery looks like. Take your time and build momentum.

Strength to you -
Bless.

Cuckoochanel80 · 17/02/2024 03:15

Narcs are horrifically cruel, I feel your pain. They don't ever seem to give up the harassment and torture. Just wanted to say you're not alone- my life has been badly affected by being surrounded by so many my entire life. Mother, family members, 'friends', child's father..I found Quora v useful for reading other's experiences of narcissist abuse and is supportive too.

Iamalwaysworried · 12/02/2025 15:49

TheNarcBomb · 15/02/2024 14:13

I wanted to reach out to people who have recovered from narcissistic relationships.

How do you handle the anger?

I am doing this again for the second time. Left narc many years ago and after years of litigation I escaped with child. He was abusive to me and child but I couldn't prove it; he had some contact ordered by the court. He got a new relationship. I was pleased,basically she could be the target.

But that was not what happened. He continued to ask for contact with me and our child. I didn't give it. He moved down the road from me with his girlfriend; I ignored it. She arrived on my doorstep, wanted to be friends. I was polite but no. I stuck to the legal order, end of. I thought, it's a matter of time.

Child grew and moved into secondary. My life got better. The opportunities at work I had put off came in. I felt good. I got more money, and started to be social. I breathed.

Then.

At the start of the year my child said my narc ex and this woman had abused them. Narc did the abuse, girlfriend watched and did nothing to stop it. All contact has stopped and my life is now one constant round of social services, police and concerned school. Child has PTSD. I have to forget any career I wanted to handle this. I am handling it.

But... I can't describe the hatred I have for these people, this narc and his weak girlfriend. I am glad of course my child is finally protected but the damage is huge to us both. I find myself so angry. I know my ex will deny all that has been said and I will have to deal with him, as well as this pathetic woman.

Can anyone relate? I have to keep this all together. But I am so angry. I don't think it is good for me. If something similar happened to you, how did you cope and move through it?

I’m experiencing this. And I’m struggling. Everyone’s telling me he’s a narc but my brain keeps telling me it’s my fault for the breakup. He said he autistic but every single person I’ve spoken to says he’s a narc.
i hope I can get through it. I just feel so upset , angry, hurt and used. That I expressed all my deepest emotions for this man and gave him everything for him to just cut me off, shut down my emotions and make me feel worthless
i know this post is old- but how are you getting on now? Has it got any better for you? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

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