Asking out of curiosity - for context, I recently escaped from a relationship that became abusive and had been festering for a long while before that. I'm in a period of healing, reflection and relearning self-care. I definitely want to remain single until I'm confident in my own skin again. I also realise, looking back, that I've bounced from one relationship to the next without any time to myself in between - as well as the majority of these relationships following the same pattern of starting EXTREMELY intensely (i.e. love at first sight, ecstatic highs, very very sexual), followed by a steady decline (i.e. arguing, belittlement, controlling behaviour and jealousy on their part etc) and eventually full blown breakdown with violence or stalking.
The one boyfriend I had in my early 20s which didn't follow this pattern (we were friends first, he was a sweetheart), I ended up callously dumping because I felt frustrated and under stimulated! (Sorry, kind man...) It's almost like I craved the highs and lows of my future toxic/abusive relationships?!
I wonder now 1) why am I attracted to men with such similar traits (big egos, narcissistic, coercive, etc) and 2) how I can learn to spot the signs of what will be a healthy/unhealthy relationship? Or to cultivate them. I guess part of this starts with learning to love myself and set boundaries, first of all.
Maybe I have this tendency because I grew up in a household with an abusive, alcoholic father who would blow hot and cold from one minute to the next. It feels somehow... familiar.
I guess there's not one single script for a healthy relationship, but I'm curious what others think? What do healthy relationships look and feel like? Has anyone managed to break the cycle?
I feel so wistful when I hear of friends and family who have caring, respectful relationships that last a lifetime. Really hope I can experience that one day...