Father paying maintenance

Meagainnewname · 2024-02-15T10:00:57+00:00

Father has been paying maintenance to ex for his children, he’s now decided to give up a well paid job and further his education! so he’ll have no income, he’s going to be claiming student finance, surely legally he’s to provide for his children? His ex has a mortgage that he’s been paying towards, but once he’s stopped paying her, she’s no longer going to be able to afford to pay it, so eventually could be homeless! Hes always been a selfish person but this is taking the piss, all he thinks about is himself and no one else. initially, when they split he wanted the children 50/50, ( so he didn’t have to pay maintenance/child support!!! ) he could only have them weekdays though, only week days, but the mum wanted him to have them occasionally weekends too, he went off the idea of 50/50 and picked them up a few days from school and took them home to their mum!! He then started to pay maintenance, but below the recommended amount , never declared through partners benefits. Any advice for the mum please who’s not online. many thanks

GingerIsBest · 15/02/2024 10:42

Sadly, there's likely to be little she can do. She should go via CMS, but if he's not going to have much income, she's not going to get very much. She should have gone through CMS from the start if he's been persistently underpaying.

I'ms sorry, I wish it was better, but she can't force him to pay more.

EVliving · 15/02/2024 12:19

Sorry but if he is not working then he doesn't need to pay. Its so unfair and morally wrong.

ConflictedCheetah · 15/02/2024 12:22

It's unbelievably shit but non resident parents can just do this. Make decisions for their own life and finances, stop paying maintenance and the resident parents have to just suck it up.

It's truly awful but nothing she can do.

MandyMotherOfBrian · 15/02/2024 12:26

Where does he live? Does he have a mortgage/rent? Does he live with a partner?
Asking because my DDs living in cheap student accommodation still need topping up from me and DH to be able to afford to live. How’s he planning on surviving on student finance? Basically, are you sure he’s telling the truth?

MandyMotherOfBrian · 15/02/2024 12:31

And if he really is applying for Uni then presumably the course starts September/October - surely he isn’t living with no income until then? The mother should put a CMS claim in now, I don’t have experience but I imagine he would have to prove he was a full time student to CMS when the time comes.

Original poster

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 21:42

MandyMotherOfBrian · 15/02/2024 12:31

And if he really is applying for Uni then presumably the course starts September/October - surely he isn’t living with no income until then? The mother should put a CMS claim in now, I don’t have experience but I imagine he would have to prove he was a full time student to CMS when the time comes.

Planning on finishing work in the next month or so and doing nothing until September, oh apart from wasting money that he’s due to get from his job!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 21:44

MandyMotherOfBrian · 15/02/2024 12:26

Where does he live? Does he have a mortgage/rent? Does he live with a partner?
Asking because my DDs living in cheap student accommodation still need topping up from me and DH to be able to afford to live. How’s he planning on surviving on student finance? Basically, are you sure he’s telling the truth?

Paying rent at the moment on a bed sit!
hes owed money from his work and plans to finish in the next month or so

OP posts:

10ThousandSpoons · 16/02/2024 21:46

Can mum work?

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/02/2024 21:50

This is why you shouldn't live your life depending on an ex partner's earnings that feed through via maintenance.

If she's taken on a mortgage because current child maintenance allows her to make payments, then I'm sorry she's been very foolish.

People get made redundant. People get sacked. People want to choose where they work. Yes the ex is a prat for absolving himself of any childcare costs, but it's your friend who needs to also take accountability for a housing situation that completely depends on an ex partner's contribution which he already underpays.

How much is he currently paying?

Original poster

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 22:03

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/02/2024 21:50

This is why you shouldn't live your life depending on an ex partner's earnings that feed through via maintenance.

If she's taken on a mortgage because current child maintenance allows her to make payments, then I'm sorry she's been very foolish.

People get made redundant. People get sacked. People want to choose where they work. Yes the ex is a prat for absolving himself of any childcare costs, but it's your friend who needs to also take accountability for a housing situation that completely depends on an ex partner's contribution which he already underpays.

How much is he currently paying?

they took out a joint mortgage years ago, he wants her to buy him out of the house because he’s not living there no more!
he was paying £700 a month

OP posts:

10ThousandSpoons · 16/02/2024 22:07

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/02/2024 21:50

This is why you shouldn't live your life depending on an ex partner's earnings that feed through via maintenance.

If she's taken on a mortgage because current child maintenance allows her to make payments, then I'm sorry she's been very foolish.

People get made redundant. People get sacked. People want to choose where they work. Yes the ex is a prat for absolving himself of any childcare costs, but it's your friend who needs to also take accountability for a housing situation that completely depends on an ex partner's contribution which he already underpays.

How much is he currently paying?

Yeah or die. People die more often than you imagine.

WhamBamThankU · 16/02/2024 22:09

Are you the ex OP?

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/02/2024 22:17

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 22:03

they took out a joint mortgage years ago, he wants her to buy him out of the house because he’s not living there no more!
he was paying £700 a month

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Well, yes that tends to be how it works when a relationship breaks down and there is a joint property.

One party buys the other out, or if neither can afford to keep it alone, then it's sold.

That's what happens.

What are you finding wrong in that scenario?

Kemblefordsnice · 16/02/2024 22:23

It's a shitty situation but I suppose you could look at it that he'll be earning a much better salary afterwards and can therefore contribute more.
Doesn't help in the here and now though.

MississippiAF · 16/02/2024 22:23

Nothing she can do, as PP have said.

It does sound like the house should be sold regardless, if she can’t buy him out.

LilBus · 16/02/2024 22:25

No they don’t; my ex is on benefits and often doesn’t have to pay because he owes debts so they can’t take anything.

Original poster

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 22:26

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/02/2024 22:17

Well, yes that tends to be how it works when a relationship breaks down and there is a joint property.

One party buys the other out, or if neither can afford to keep it alone, then it's sold.

That's what happens.

What are you finding wrong in that scenario?

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The fact that my friend is struggling to support herself and children, won’t be able to live in the town where she lives now and there’s no houses to rent anywhere, where she lives and if she finds somewhere then landlords are asking for 6/12 months rent upfront and you’re looking at £1000 for a 2 bedroom house
she could potentially be on the street with 2 young children and their father is too selfish to give a shit for his own children and wants them out of the house just so he’s got some money for his selfish needs!

OP posts:

MississippiAF · 16/02/2024 22:28

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 22:26

The fact that my friend is struggling to support herself and children, won’t be able to live in the town where she lives now and there’s no houses to rent anywhere, where she lives and if she finds somewhere then landlords are asking for 6/12 months rent upfront and you’re looking at £1000 for a 2 bedroom house
she could potentially be on the street with 2 young children and their father is too selfish to give a shit for his own children and wants them out of the house just so he’s got some money for his selfish needs!

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Your friend you? needs legal advice, fast. None of the above has any relevance to the house needing to be sold, and unless they were married, it will likely be a pure 50/50 equity split.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/02/2024 22:30

Selfish needs? Like housing himself?

Original poster

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 22:33

I can assure you it’s not me.
Yes they’re married, separated just over 2 years ago I think, not got divorced yet as can’t afford it, we’ve advised her to get legal advice, unfortunately she can’t afford it as she only works a couple days a week. He won’t apply for a divorce because he won’t pay for it either!

OP posts:

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/02/2024 22:35

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 22:26

The fact that my friend is struggling to support herself and children, won’t be able to live in the town where she lives now and there’s no houses to rent anywhere, where she lives and if she finds somewhere then landlords are asking for 6/12 months rent upfront and you’re looking at £1000 for a 2 bedroom house
she could potentially be on the street with 2 young children and their father is too selfish to give a shit for his own children and wants them out of the house just so he’s got some money for his selfish needs!

Show quote history

Okkkkkkk.

You do understand that it's not his fault she can't afford that particular mortgage on her own.

Should we all be entitled to be subsided to live in houses we can't afford, instead of taking accountability for the fact we can't afford them?

If they aren't married then this is the risk she knew she was taking by having not one, but two children with no ability to house them or herself should the relationship fail.

It's not selfish to expect your ex partner to buy you out of a joint house you no longer live in, or sell it if they can't afford to do that. Not selfish. Normal, is the word you're looking for.

Yes, he's a shit for not paying future maintenance. No, there's nothing she can do about it. Just like he can't control where she works or studies. Yes, she will have to find a house she can afford because this one she can't.

Original poster

Meagainnewname · 16/02/2024 22:36

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/02/2024 22:30

Selfish needs? Like housing himself?

He’d rather his children lose their home than him lose where he lives!
Everytime my friend talks about him it’s always to do with money, he won’t even help during holidays , take leave to have them when there’s no school, only wants them after school not weekends as it interferes with his hobbies and going out

OP posts:

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/02/2024 22:37

Ok, seen the update.

They are married. Changes everything. Tell her to get legal advice pronto.

Although he does need to be able to house himself, so that will have to come out of the joint pot.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/02/2024 22:43

You friend can surely work more than two days a week? She is lucky he hasn't already insisted the house is sold he might do soon, or try to move back in as is his right when it's half his.
She needs to start divorce proceedings.
If she does sell her house she'll definitely be able to afford to pay rent upfront and if she continues only working a couple of days she might be entitled to universal credit to help
With the rent which might be more than the child maintenance anyway.

Yes I agree that her ex is an irresponsible arse but she needs to work more (unless once child is still pre school) and sort out the divorce... you say she can't afford to but I think she can't afford not to

Opentooffers · 16/02/2024 22:51

She has had 2 years of him paying the mortgage and neither of them sorting out their future and finances. She's lucky he's done that so long without having done any legal requirements.
It's clear the house needs selling, then both her and him would have money to at least rent. You say he's money grabbing and it could well be true, but she's also had 2 years to sort things out better. 2 years of not contacting cms ? She might not have put you fully in the picture. Suggesting will be Homeless is just playing an emotive card. That should not happen given the situation, unless its due to lack of action and burying head in the sand.