Hello,
I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months. We don't live together. I have two school aged kids and he has young adult children. I've been ambivalent about this relationship on and off from the beginning. My ex was really attractive, but always unavailable, not wanting to do things as a family and prioritising work. I was miserable for many, many years and then finally divorced in 2020. I joined online dating in 2022 and went on around 25 dates with different guys before meeting my guy. I was crazy about him for a short while, I loved his company and in all honesty i was very horny. Sex took a while to get where it needs to be, but it is still more difficult for me to orgasm than it used to be with my ex. I also feel that my attraction for my boyfriend comes in waves. There are aspects of him that I find very attractive and then other times I almost feel icky. I usually get in the mood though with foreplay and just going for it and he is really focused on trying to make me happy.
The areas that are working well include him being a great company, fun to be around, great with friends, family and most importantly my kids. Always up for doing things. Helpful and generous with what he has. All friends and family like him as he is genuinely a nice guy.
The other area that bothers me sometimes is that I don't see how we could ever live together or join finances. Because of his past decisions and past lifestyle, he has very little and also lacks ambition. He takes time to grab opportunities and doesn't have the drive or doesn't believe that he can make his own kids' life better. I am ok financially and I am not looking for a relationship for financial gains obviously. It's just a shame that it is quite unequal. He pays his way, but for instance we can't invite his kids places unless I offer to pay. He can really only afford to look after himself.
I know relationships are not perfect though, so I'm wondering whether I should just accept and embrace this and focus on the positives? I'm also not perfect and he thinks I'm hot and great. He gives me a lot of love and attention and I'm also loving towards him as I genuinely love him and enjoy his company, but also have these concerns about sex and the future. What do people think?