Child father / ex bought flowers for valentines

Tiny542 · 2024-02-14T20:24:07+00:00

he broke up with me on Xmas day.. been together almost 5 years! He’s been distant , acting like he doesn’t care and just not sorry or showing that he wants to be together - so I think he’s happy with the break up ??? (He left me with our 3 year old and I’m 8 months pregnant) he’s just dropped flowers, chocolates and a card off to my door and said “these are for mummy from DD” and left… I don’t know how to take this? He did drop off some sweets, a rose and a card also for our DD too its not right but I wish he bought the flowers and written in the card from him… why would someone do this 😩 why do you think?

Epidote · 14/02/2024 20:29

Exactly what he did, he bought you some valentine's stuff on behalf of your daughter. Valentine's is not only for lovers. It's for the ones you love and your daughter loves you.
I wouldn't double read on it.

Shouldbedoing · 14/02/2024 20:33

It's a nice gesture. It's nice to teach our children that they give gifts as well as receive.

RestingPassportFace · 14/02/2024 20:42

He has bought you things on behalf of the daughter you share. My ex did the same. It's a nice gesture, nothing more.

Zanatdy · 14/02/2024 21:08

I agree it’s a nice gesture, and some ex’s do but gifts for their ex partners so I wouldn’t read too much into it

Snugglemonkey · 14/02/2024 21:13

RestingPassportFace · 14/02/2024 20:42

He has bought you things on behalf of the daughter you share. My ex did the same. It's a nice gesture, nothing more.

This. I know ow you want it to be more, but they ate not from him. They are on behalf of your child. This bodes well for co parenting. Br glad of that.

PeopleAreWeird · 14/02/2024 21:18

His brought you things from your DAUGHTER
Not him
Dont Take this as ‘He still loves you’

Move on!!!

TheSnowyOwl · 14/02/2024 21:18

That’s lovely that he has thought to buy something on behalf of his DD. You only need to read the threads on here on some women’s birthdays, Christmases and Mother’s Day to know that many don’t.

My seven year old also found it essential to buy me some chocolate today because she loves me. Valentine’s Day isn’t necessity about romance.

I appreciate it’s been a difficult couple of months for you and perhaps it would have been better if he hadn’t bought anything but I wouldn’t read anything into it.

Original poster

Tiny542 · 14/02/2024 22:06

Thank you all.. struggling to let go if I am honest! But it is a great example for our little girl absolutely. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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CherrySocks · 14/02/2024 22:37

He left you and your toddler on Christmas Day and you are pregnant with his baby - I don't understand why people think it's nice that he's made this weird gesture on Valentine's Day - like he's trying to pretend he's a nice guy really

LilBus · 14/02/2024 22:59

Well my ex bought me nothing so it’s not normal/ typical imo but I would be thinking he feels bad/ guilty that you’re alone on Valentine’s Day so is trying to make you feel better rather than he secretly still wants you

Original poster

Tiny542 · 15/02/2024 08:34

CherrySocks · 14/02/2024 22:37

He left you and your toddler on Christmas Day and you are pregnant with his baby - I don't understand why people think it's nice that he's made this weird gesture on Valentine's Day - like he's trying to pretend he's a nice guy really

To pretend to be a nice guy… I would say so! The way he left us and hasn’t been bothered about the new baby then suddenly he wants to make a nice gesture? …Hmmm maybe trying to feel less guilty about himself but still doesn’t want to commit to relationship? It’s odd.. who knows!

But it’s messed with my mind!

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fruitbrewhaha · 15/02/2024 08:36

What a shit he is.

Usernamechange1234 · 15/02/2024 08:41

No it’s not a ‘nice gesture’ it’s manipulative. He’s playing the ‘I’m a good guy’ card.

Decent men do not walk out on their small child and heavily pregnant wife on Christmas Day.

I’d have (not so) politely declined. But obviously not in front of your daughter.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Backinthedress · 15/02/2024 08:42

Tiny542 · 15/02/2024 08:34

To pretend to be a nice guy… I would say so! The way he left us and hasn’t been bothered about the new baby then suddenly he wants to make a nice gesture? …Hmmm maybe trying to feel less guilty about himself but still doesn’t want to commit to relationship? It’s odd.. who knows!

But it’s messed with my mind!

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You've hit the nail on the head - he's trying to ret-con what happened: first step prove he's a nice guy really. He doesn't like feeling guilty. Watch out for step two where he starts to imply that it was your fault really because you, I don't know, didn't love him the right way/loved him too much/didn't show you loved him/never really loved him fi you were honest with yourself....

My ex had an emotional affair and left 6 months after moving our family across the country for his new job. Years later and I'm the bitch who stopped him seeing his family/took the house and all its contents/stopped him seeing the kids.... (I didn't).

Stay strong. Enjoy the chocolates and the flowers, it's not their fault. Put the card in the bin when DD isn't looking. Chin up, tits out. You're doing so well.

Original poster

Tiny542 · 15/02/2024 08:50

Backinthedress · 15/02/2024 08:42

You've hit the nail on the head - he's trying to ret-con what happened: first step prove he's a nice guy really. He doesn't like feeling guilty. Watch out for step two where he starts to imply that it was your fault really because you, I don't know, didn't love him the right way/loved him too much/didn't show you loved him/never really loved him fi you were honest with yourself....

My ex had an emotional affair and left 6 months after moving our family across the country for his new job. Years later and I'm the bitch who stopped him seeing his family/took the house and all its contents/stopped him seeing the kids.... (I didn't).

Stay strong. Enjoy the chocolates and the flowers, it's not their fault. Put the card in the bin when DD isn't looking. Chin up, tits out. You're doing so well.

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I’ve had step 2 already! He has told me that he didn’t mean for it to be this way and as always I’ve taken his words the wrong way…”but it’s done and said now” apparently he was the one having a hard time etc! Very victim mentality and says he does not feel he needs to apologise.

he told me he’s falling out of love with me and hasn’t thought about the baby.. (how awful!) - I practically begged him and I am ashamed of this! but he got up and acted like nothing happened and continue to do so now - the contact he does give is very minimal. I wish I knew his way of thinking really.

Frustrating as I was starting to feel a little better/accepting everything! But ... thank you so much! so sorry you’ve had to deal with a shit person too!

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EmilyGilmoreenergy · 15/02/2024 09:32

Also it's Mother's Day next month surely that is the time it's appropriate for an ex to demonstrate/encourage giving a card and gift from child to mum.
Valentine's Day totally inappropriate and as you say a head fuck to you.

Ofcourseshecan · 15/02/2024 16:55

CherrySocks · 14/02/2024 22:37

He left you and your toddler on Christmas Day and you are pregnant with his baby - I don't understand why people think it's nice that he's made this weird gesture on Valentine's Day - like he's trying to pretend he's a nice guy really

Exactly what I thought! Can’t believe some of those early comments.

I despise men who dump their pregnant partners. Head-fuck gestures like this are even more contemptible. He is not a nice guy.

Pearlhavingherfifth · 15/02/2024 17:06

He is a big shit.Playing with your feelings....You will be better after you gave birth,and after the 6 weeks postpartum. Just be very strong and remember, you are not alone. So many of us went through similar situations in the life(like me.I was pregnant with my fifth and he left me alone)But now i am happier than ever before and i found a lovely job and attending uni...You can do it!!You will show him how big arsehole is and you will be happy with your children. My youngest is 18 months now, and i am 40 this year but i live the best life now. So happy i am alone.You dont need a man who leaves you alone while you are pregnant!!!!
Be strong, nice times will come to you!
Take care xx

Ofcourseshecan · 15/02/2024 18:49

He has told me that he didn’t mean for it to be this way and as always I’ve taken his words the wrong way…”but it’s done and said now” apparently he was the one having a hard time etc! Very victim mentality and says he does not feel he needs to apologise.

Oh you’ve taken his words the wrong way, OP. A very bad thing to do. I hope you apologised humbly. And apologised for whatever you did that made him dump you and his children.

What a total mind-blowing piece of shit he is. Trying to gaslight you, on top of everything else he’s done.
At least he’s providing rock-solid evidence that you are better off without him.
I hope you soon get the happiness you and DC deserve.

SongbirdGarden · 15/02/2024 18:55

Make sure you give him a nice smelly gift wrapped turd from your unborn on Fathers Day.

SongbirdGarden · 15/02/2024 18:58

You really need to wake up and see this piece of shit for who he is.
Don't be wanting this useless, unreliable, arsehole back in your life, he is a nasty bit of work. You and your children deserve so much more.

Original poster

Tiny542 · 16/02/2024 09:54

Thank you everyone who took the time to reply!

I am in such a weird place at the moment.. I can see how awful he is and yet I am still so hurt and heartbroken. He’s just upped and left as if were nothing to him.. no emotion no nothing! But how can he if he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong 😟

I wouldn’t be able to forgive him for this and so if he did come to his senses it’ll never work out - I think maybe this is what hurts the most? Who knows!

trying to remain positive for the rest of my pregnancy and for my little girl. It’s hard but I’ll keep on keeping on! Thank you all again :-)

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