Valentine's Day alone....

[userzH]

It's just a day and I'm not sat crying by any means....

But it's the first one single since leaving my abusive ex husband.

He moved on to his new girlfriend straight away and moved straight in as far as I'm aware - within weeks. It's typical behaviour of him. We were together almost 8 years and I was the only one stupid enough to marry him but he had so many relationships before me. He cannot be alone. I knew he would jump straight to the next and he did. He also had no where to live.

I know of the new gf and she has also had multiple relationships.

They've been together now for just under 2 months and are vey lovey dovey on social media as far as I'm told - I'm not on social media so can't see anything. But apparently she calls him 'my love' and says he's perfect.

Exh isn't that interested in our son. I'm filing for divorce and he's being a twat with that too. We barely speak and I am very 'grey rock with him'

I'm ok but I just kept thinking of how he will of bought her a 'girlfriend' Valentine's Day card when for years he bought a 'wife' one.

He would always sign cards a certain way and I've been wondering if he signs it the same way for her....

You can all tell me I'm pathetic if you want. Like I say, I'm not sat crying. I was over the weekend and then I had therapy and she says im still in the grief stage.

She's reminded me that even though he is highly abusive and controlling, it's still ok to grieve that person we loved.

Cheer up, OP, a card full of intentions and non committal words means nothing. A life free of him give you a full clear horizon to be happy.

Today is not only Valentine's day is also Ash Wednesday. That means than in 40 days we will be in Easter. Why don't you start to look to your bright future?

The good news is this is as hard as it’ll get.

I would put on a film you know he’d hate and you love. Devil Wears Prada is on Netflix now 😉 then try and embrace, maybe even enjoy, the peace. Their situation may appear fabulous but you know his true nature…. And you’re free now!

No one’s going to call you pathetic! And you can have a good cry if you want one. That stuff is better out than in. It’s such very early days, of course you’re grieving and in pain. Have a hug 💐

He was abusive and you left, you're totally awesome. St. Valentine was all about love, only later it became sentimental crap about lovers. Who cares what your ex does, he was an arse, you are free....yippeeee! Don't give him the head space you and your son are so much better off, no walking in egg shells, no worrying about his next bout of shitty behaviour. Next year buy yourself and your son some chocs or a treat of something, because you love yourself, and you love your son.
Definitely not pathetic. Here happy Valentine's Day OP.

I'm not trying to be hurtful by saying this...
Congratulations.

For getting and staying out of the relationship with an abusive man. Your freedom from the torment of control and abuse is worth so, so, so much more than a daft card and flowers that wither after 3 days. So give yourself a pat on the back and be proud of yourself. Valentine's day is such bollocks. This year, you are your valentine. You can depend on and be kinder and fairer to yourself and have more peace of mind than many people who are currently in a relationship x

PS. no-one thinks you're pathetic. Your abusive ex who isn't interested in his own son - he is the pathetic one.

I got ghosted today... by someone I'd been with for 2.5yrs, as we were having troubled times the last couple of weeks (on the fence). I have the same thoughts you're having as my, ex I guess now, has a similar pattern of behaviour.

Just focus on you and your own self worth :)

Dear OP, I am sorry you feel sad and I get it. I do not know if this will make you feel any better, but I am also alone on Valentine. To make the matters worse, I was with my ex for over 25 years, and... wait for it… Valentine’s day was our wedding anniversary day. 😢

I too left him as he was controlling and abusive and I was suffocating, so yes, I am glad that I am free of him. While I don’t care much about Valentine’s I am sad though that it will forever be a reminder of my broken marriage. Even if I find someone else, which I am in no rush to do, I don’t think I could ever celebrate the day wholeheartedly.

Hang in there, it does get better. Hugs.💕

You can enjoy a lovely valentines yourself- make yourself a lovely meal, pour a glass of your favourite drink and put on a film you enjoy. Self love is important.
You've done amazing getting out of your abusive marriage and you're so much stronger than you know.

Thank you all - sorry for those struggling too.

I feel like I have a few days where I am absolutely fine and feel glimpses of happiness. I'm sure I have zero feelings for him - I'm sure at this point that I'm over the worst and then something knocks me back and I feel like everything is my fault again.

I go through my faults -

I wasn't affectionate enough. Except I am an affectionate person, especially with my children. I'm overly affectionate.

I never initiated sex - I did absolutely everything round the house. Don't get me wrong, he worked hard but I felt unappreciated constantly. Im not someone who wants to do stuff in the bedroom if things aren't ok outside of the bedroom. We would have sex often because he would give me the silent treatment if I didn't. It was never that adventurous though which I'm sure he's getting now.

I'm not overly confident. I have a small circle of friends where as he knows everyone and counts anyone and everyone as his friend.

I spent my life walking on egg shells around him so these things that I can think of where I could of tried harder are very hard to do when you're scared

Oh please try to shift your thinking with this if you can. Today is a day of celebration that you're not with that prick. That poor woman getting a card form an abusive fuck of a man. It is SOOO much better spending V Day alone than with someone awful like that.
Celebrate freedom and your love for your son. And treat yourself to some half price heart shaped chocolate tomorrow because you bloody deserve it!

Thank you. I've stuffed my face with club biscuits and marshmallows whilst deciding to randomly decorate.

I appreciate your post - thank you. I can see brighter days. I just hope I'm over the worst.

I'm worried about seeing him again. I haven't seen him since October as I called the police due to his abuse.
I hope when I do see him they it doesn't push me back again but I'm not forcing myself to do it anytime soon

I wondered who my ex may be gaslighting, lying to and controlling today.
I've had a lovely day and am tucked up in bed with the cats who definitely love me

You're not pathetic at all. You've done something lots of women don't do by leaving and that makes you strong.

That first valentines as a single is really hard. It gets better though - trust me. Go and buy yourself some flowers as a valentines for yourself.

It's just a day and now it's basically over. The first everything is the worst. Regardless of how happy they might look on social media, he is still the same person. I'm sure you weren't posting how awful he was online just like she won't be.
His new relationship is no reflection on you. It's normal to feel sad but it isn't forever so feel it and let it go.

If it helps I spent this afternoon crying in an IDVAs office (because I'm exhausted and emotionally at the end of my tether, not because its V Day) and then had a call from Police to update me that my exs bail cons will be extended tomorrow and that the investigation file is about to go to the cps. Half an hour ago i got a text off the Police telling me maybe I can collect my old phone tomorrow as the digital forensics are complete 🙃 . You're not alone. Honestly though for my ex I hope his new girlfriend is safe and I hope he never darkens my door again as long as he lives.

You sound like a strong woman, with excellent taste in snacks!
Try to keep any thoughts about him out of your head as much as you can. Focus on good things, like your son and club biscuits. And whoever is telling you about his social media activities, ask them to stop. It won't be helping. He is out of your life, that's the main thing and you don't need those reports.
Do you actually need to see him again? Other than in court to sort divorce or access related stuff? If you've had to call the police on him, hopefully there are measures that could be put on place that mean you don't need any direct contact at all.

You can cry if you need to op

Unfortunately behind the pictures he will likely treat her the same. Be grateful it's not you.

Thank you all - I'm glad it's over.

I don't have another emotional date until our wedding anniversary which is a few months away and my birthday. I don't think my birthday will upset me as he made no effort with them ever. I used to cry every birthday as there would either be some sort of drama or he would just go to Asda the night before and get me something I didn't want.