Husband is being short with 7 year old

[Anon4345]

My daughter prefers me to my husband with pretty much everything. We have asked but she never gives an explanation even though admits my husband does some things better than I do but still prefers me. My husband takes this hard and it upsets him. She will say things like 'oh its you' when he wakes her up in the morning and immediately asks where I am. Or if we're going out she will ask if I take her or if we're playing in her room and he comes to join she will say there isn't any space to join in. I would understand if I'm the primary caregiver but I'm not, my husband stays home with her. My husband plays with her, they are silly, laugh together and have a lovely time he spends time with her but it seems to make no difference. We have spoken to her about her behaviour many times as this is not acceptable and she should know better. I fully back my husband with this and try to work with him however it has come to a head. He went to put her to bed and she wanted me. I was busy so he said it will be him. She cried and said she didn't want him and wanted me and this went on. He put her to bed but afterwards was absolutely furious and has hardly spoken a word to her. She's tries to speak to him and he's short with her, says he couldn't care less if she asks him something. Am I being unreasonable to be absolutely furious at this? She is a 7 year old child. Her behaviour is not acceptable but I feel now neither is his! How are we meant to lead by example when he is behaving like this. How do I navigate this situation?

Your husband is the actual problem,not the 7 year old. Your DH is overbearing demanding bully. Stop facilitating his behaviour and stop expecting a child to perform and give praise to him because he has hurt feelings or a disproportionately misplaced feeling of being excluded. Both your behaviour as parents is probably stressing the child, she was subjected to an adult parent excluding her, to his omnipresent bad mood . Outrageous. Start sticking up for your child. Only person who should be getting spoken to is this man child. The talk being be a responsible adult stop enacting bad mood and punishment on a child

Nailed in the first response.

He needs to give himself a shake! Yes, it's hurtful when children play favourites, parenting can be bruising and thankless at times, but he can't give in to his hurt feelings and cold-shoulder a small child as if she were an adult who had offended him. He has to pick himself up and keep trying. The responsibility for repairing the relationship is always with the adult. He can confide in you that he's finding it hard going, and take comfort in your support, but he really needs to rediscover his backbone here and approach this like any other parenting challenge; with DD's welfare and her healthy development at the centre, not his own ego. Kids do go through phases of rejecting one parent (and it's often the primary carer) and they generally come out of it, with consistent, steady loving treatment and the calm maintenance of boundaries around rudeness etc. She can learn a lot about relationships and communication from this process, if he pulls his head out of his arse and handles it maturely.

It is really normal that children favour one parent at different developmental times...she may also see you as safer. Husband needs to take his ego out of it and be led by dd.

She sees you as the safer parent and I wonder if he bullies her when you're not there. She's 7 she's not a baby. She knows why she doesn't like him. You sound like you don't even wonder.

It just sounds like she's craving your attention because she already sees so much of her dad and by comparison your time with her is more novel. Frustrating for your DH to be brushed aside after giving her so much attention, but it does sound like he's over reacted a bit here. Having said that hasn't every parent been a bit short with their kids at some point? (I know this is mn, where every poster is a perfect parent)

He put her to bed but afterwards was absolutely furious and has hardly spoken a word to her.

He gave his own child the silent treatment just because she wanted mummy not daddy at bedtime?!

He sounds really awful. Op, that's not normal, it's emotionally abusive.

You really need to tell him to “grow the fuck up” - he’s going to affect your child’s mental health - he needs to go to counselling and address why his ego is so fragile.. What was his relationship with his parents like? This is his shit. Maybe your daughter already picks up on his issues and that’s why she wants mummy all the time. It’s also quite normal for a child to favour one parent. Stop appeasing him.