To worry? Or not to worry?

[PinaColadaAndSunnySkiesPlease]

I’m prepared to be told that I’m crazy for having suspicions as to most people this might seem like a ‘non issue’, but it’s the changes in usage that have raised a bit of a red flag for me, so I wanted to get some opinions on this as I can’t find any similar threads to gleam some help/advice about all of this.

So. I use Instagram a lot - I’m a frequent poster, I also make and sell things on there, and I use instagram DM’s to speak to most of my friends and family as well as keep in touch with the accounts that I follow/interact with on there.

DH, on the other hand, is the total opposite. He’s had his account for getting on 10 years and I think he’s made a grand total of 15 posts in that time. He never ‘likes’ anything - not even my posts, he doesn’t interact with any of the smattering of accounts that he follows, doesn’t engage with the posts on his feed etc and I know that he uses texts and/or Facebook to keep in touch with his friends and family.

As such, he would scarcely use Instagram. For years and years now, I’d see him as ‘active’ maybe once, twice a day at the absolute most, but for the last month, almost every time I’ve opened up my Instagram DM’s, it’s either showing DH as ‘active now’ or he’ll have been active very recently ie; within the last 20 minutes or so. I’ve kept an eye on it as his change in usage has confused me, and I’ve noticed he’s now going on Instagram at least twice an hour, almost every hour..?
For someone who never used to the use app, and still doesn’t post/interact etc, the fact he’s showing as online in the Instagram DM’s SO often is making me raise my eyebrow. It’s a very big contrast to what he’s usually like.

What’s more, I’ve also noticed that he’s only using the Instagram DM’s so frequently while he’s at work.. When he’s at home, he still goes on his phone; browses Reddit constantly, scrolls Facebook, YouTube, googles things etc, but he’ll open IG like once. It’s as though he’s on and off Instagram all day while at work (when he supposedly barely uses the app and is also supposedly ‘swamped’ at work lately) but then he doesn’t use it alongside other social media while at home?

Am I mental? Or does any of this seem weird to you?

I guess I’m wondering whether he may potentially be messaging someone on there while he’s at work, and is being careful not to do it while at home. I appreciate that may seem like a bit of a ‘leap’ in thinking, but I can’t otherwise think of any logical reason as to why he’s suddenly on it all the time, seemingly out of nowhere.

(For what it’s worth - he isn’t using Facebook this frequently. His habits with being online on FB while at work have remained the same as far as I can tell; he only seems to open Facebook maybe once or twice, so it’s not like he’s browsing all of his apps with the same frequency. It’s just Instagram that’s gone from 0-100 over the last month it would seem).

Maybe just tell him you are feeling very worried that something is going on and you need to look at his phone? I know most people will say this is really untrusting behaviour but I figure you will probably know if something is going on from his reaction.
Has anything else about his behaviour to you changed? Have you had any open communication recently about how the relationship is going? Date nights?

Seems odd that your monitoring his online time on a app to be honest.

@rc473 We've had our ups and down recently. DH is an awful communicator - he shuts down and stonewalls and it's been a huge issue throughout the last 10 years, he keeps trying to be better, but it usually doesn't last. As such, we've started using Monday evenings as our allotted 'sit down and calmly discuss any issues' day. We've found that having a specific day where we know we can freely speak to each other about things is easier than me 'blindsiding' him with problems.

Date nights are rare. We have three young dc but we try and spend some 'couple time' at home on a Saturday night as and when we can.

Is he liking posts at all?

Can you look at the messages?

Is he suddenly friends with someone

@MeMyBooksAndMyCats it's hard not to have noticed this though, as whenever I go to my DM's, his profile picture will show right at the top of my page along with all the others who are currently active.

I appreciate that me spotting it might seem odd, but it's odd that he's using Instagram so much all of a sudden, not least because he's supposed to be at work, not using Instagram multiple times an hour.

@Needanewnamebeingwatched I've no idea if he's recently started following someone/befriended someone as I've no idea who he previously used to follow etc.

As far as I'm aware, he still doesn't like posts. He used to just open the app once or twice a day, scroll down his feed quickly and that would be it. So now to see him online almost as much as I am is a little jarring.

The only way I'd be able to see his messages would be to ask him to show me them, and I'm not sure I want to come across like a crazy wife just yet!

I’d look at his phone personally. It’s enough justification to do it.