AITA - Husband Found Pics Online & Tried To 'Catch Me Out'

[ThatNaiceUser]

Hello Mums 👋

I'm after some honest advice, so please do tell me I'm the a**hole, or if my husband is overreacting..

A few months ago, DH and I spoke about me starting some sort of OF (or equivalent) to earn some extra cash. The agreement was that I wouldn't show my face. He took some pics and videos to be posted, but after looking into the time and effort it was going to take to try and reach some kind of audience (on top of full-time jobs), we decided against it.

A couple of weeks ago I thought I would start a page (with the pics and videos) and see if it got any interest. My mistake here was that I didn't tell DH that I started the page. Anyway, I woke up one day to a message from someone who had 'subscribed' and started asking for more videos, to meet up for a 'one-off' etc. I told them no and that It was purely pics and videos. I started to notice by the way that they were writing their messages that it was DH, so I called him out and closed down the page. This was the only contact I'd had on this page.

He went absolutely mad, calling me a slut/slag, told me that I had probably cheated on him and given my phone number out to loads of different people. Initially he wanted to end the marriage, but then he decided he wanted to try and work things through.

I apologised for not telling him about it, but I did say that I hadn't had the page long and it had no interest. He's convinced I'm 'talking to people and filming content', despite me telling him I'm not. He's now asking me to change phone numbers, he's telling me that I should be making effort and fighting for him. I've asked what he'd like me to do, but he doesn't know. He's making digs and comments all day, every day. He thinks I should be telling people that I made a mistake and I'm making it up to him, he wants all these Facebook posts about how much I love him (I've never been big on Facebook, even before we met), he wants Sex loads, the list goes on. I understand his concerns, but I've said to him that it was purely a money-making idea and nothing else was going on.

Please can I have honest opinions - am I being selfish and should I be 'making it up more'? I'm very proud so I tend not to do this this it may be my bad 😂

Sounds like one heck of a toxic relationship that isn't going to get better.
I'd be looking at leaving.

So putting naughty pictures of you online is only OK if he does it? For goodness' sake. He sounds like a total sleaze and nasty with it.

When you say you're very proud... Do you think that really? Does he say that about you by any chance?

He's a sleazy twat who is using this to get you to do whatever he wants. Please dump him.

I would tell him to grow up.

So basically he wanted to make money from you selling YOUR body, but when you did it independently... he CATFISHED you instead of having honest conversation, tried to trick you into meeting a non existent stranger... is using this to coerce you jnto having sex more and is also being verbally abusive.

You know whqt you would advise friends OP

Being jokey about this is mot good. This is serious,and your day to day life.

You deserve better. His paranoia could escalatd and leave you in seriously dangerous position.

I have had a man hit me and busyt my lip when drunk, who I wasn't in a relationship with for much less.

You both sound completely unreasonable

Oh no, he sounds awful. Narcissistic, controlling, abusive. He obviously sees you as his possession. Honestly, I worry for you OP. Do you have anyone close to you in real life that you can share concerns with?

Posts like these seriously make me worry, this is so abusive but op seems to write like it is a bit of fun... men like this are really dangerous, especially when paranoid.

Even the fb posting, wanting public humiliation and apologies... is like olden day being put in stocks.

I'd go as far as to advise potentially chatting go a charity like womens aid, because this behaviour is absolutely shocking and controlling.

Blimey! This doesn't sound like a marriage made in heaven, more hell! he's getting off on this, it's a toxic marriage, do you have children? This isn't normal in any shape or form, what you do with your body is your business and no one else's but seriously get the hell out of it.

Exactly. I do hope op can speak to someone. Or a womens domestic emotionsal abuse charity.

Didn't mind when he was going to be the one pimping you out. Must have quite disturbed his morning wank to find you as he was searching for another woman to objectify - as he wouldn't have seen if it weren't for already being on there.

Walk away. Quickly.

Didn't think of how he managed to find her... either really watching deeply in background of her life, or indeed browsing for himself.

Either way it is super concerning.

Why are you accepting your husband acting like a pimp? He’s using these sites and has reduced you to just another body on them. And then you did it to yourself too. LTB there’s nothing to gain here.

Reddit story?

I think you’re both as bad as each other.

Must admit I did think hmmmmm

... because AITA is a reddit 'thing'

Thank you for the replies so far!

Definitely not a Reddit post, Just after some outsider views I guess. It's hard to be objective when you're in the middle of it.

When I say 'proud', I suppose I mean I've apologised and admitted my mistakes on my part, I'm not one to beg and plead and air my personal life on social media. He either wants to make the marriage work and move on or he doesn't? I feel like he's taking advantage of the situation to basically demand everything is his way and how he wants it.

You happily go along with cheapening yourself and he's nasty and jealous.

I think you should follow separate paths.

I can't imagine anyone wanting to beg and air their life on social media because someone else told them to. That's not pride, it's self-respect. If he knows you're sorry then why would it matter if anyone else finds out and also knows you're sorry? Sounds like a humiliation tactic.

So he thinks it’s ok to essentially pimp you out but when you show autonomy and independence he acts like a bully and continues to wear you down and throw things in your face.

Good god just get rid of this stupid little man already and be done with it.