Long term plan

[Fitdayking]

I am not sure if i am posting in the correct board, it covers a multitude. For context I have been married 17 years, one DS 15. I relocated to the SE from Ireland 18 years ago and apart from the odd friendship I have made here I hate living here. I have no intention of staying here long term The marriage I am in is toxic (can't say too much as too outing). How do I even start to plan eventually a move back to Ireland. I have a DS who is my world but I cannot stay trapped in this marriage or part of the UK long term. Has anyone else experienced similar?

You just have to keep your eyes on the prize and start planning. Where could you live and work in Ireland? How much do you earn? What are your savings? How can you manage/increase both so you can make the move?

I don't earn a great deal but have a nice house in the SE and savings. Property is cheaper in Ireland and I would earn the same amount in Ireland as what I do here in the SE.

In that case I would say you need to start thinking about the timing of you calling it a day in England and moving back to Ireland, presumably without the husband. How will this affect your DS? Will you be able to rent in Ireland for a while until the house in England is sold and you are in a position to buy?

You will have trouble uprooting your DS I would imagine. How long is your long term plan? Also, house prices have gone up a lot in Ireland since you've been gone.

Can you wait until your DS has finished school because he'll be right in the middle of GCSE's right now.

@ginasevern not in contrast to the house I have in the SE. Big difference and my salary would be the same. I very much doubt my DS will want to leave here so this is my predicament. Do I live in the SE unhappy with marriage and where I live for the sake of my son or do I move on when the time is right?

@Gettingbysomehow yes. I would wait till he has finished his secondary education at the very least. Problem is who knows what is lurking round the corner.

Why do you have to stay in an unhappy marriage? I mean, you can get divorced whether you stay in England or move to Ireland. Presumably you would be divorcing if you moved back?

@ginasevern because my DS is part way through his education and it is too expensive for me to live here on my own, well I could probably manage if we sold the house or I had my share from the house but there seems little point if I want to move back to Ireland eventually. I would need to split from husband, buy a very small property here only to eventually move back to Ireland once my son is settled in his life. Of course it may never turn out this way but I need a plan.

Do you go back to Ireland to visit often? If not, it may be worth a few visits because it may not be as you remember. Also, old family and friends who welcome you and treat you as a visitor when you do go back will have their own lives if you go back to live.

Just a thought ... is it possible that you could go over there, your son could live with his father during term time and with you during school holidays?

@Tumbler2121 of course. I am fully aware friendships have moved on, my village has moved on...everything has moved on to something I may not recognise. However, the fact remains in the SE, these people are not my kind of people who I have encountered. It is expensive. Materialistic and pretentious and everything, what I have experienced revolves around what you have/what you have achieved and life is so fast paced here. It has got worse. It has been lovely to bring up my DS here, much better than what I could have given him in Ireland but its not for me.