Where have all the friends gone.

[AyrshireTryer]

Following a break-up of a 20 year long relationship 'our mutual' friends seem to have disappeared from me. This includes someone who recently told my ex she is pregnant and we are both godparents of her other children, I've not even had a text.

For the most part, these are people where I have managed the friendship, organised the Christmas and birthday presents, the visits, the nights out etc.
I sent a general what's app message a few days ago - hope you are keeping well - having a a good half-term etc - and have had few replies.

Do I just except that my ex got to tell their side of the story more than I did and therefore they are on ex team and not mine? Do I try to get them back or just move on and think that was then and this is now?

When was the break up? How long since people contacted you?
I think you should be treating every person as an individual and not assuming the same reason for everyone. People have their own stuff going on too! Contact them. Make arrangements, suggest coffee, whatever. Doesn't sound like you have nearly enough info yet to write off any of these friendships.
Hope you're doing OK OP.

I'm not sure that you'll necessarily know the answer to this but have they just disappeared from you or from both of you? If they are mutual friends, its often the case that they would socialise with you as a couple as it worked for them to meet up as a couple with you & your OH but that socialising with one individual is more challenging.
Experience also suggests that if you, a woman, had an affair then you'll be scorned by other women in a way some men don't seem to scorn other men who have an affair which leads to the breakdown of a marriage.
People also seem to rally around more if you are abandoned as a woman than if you made the decision and triggered the break up.

Who was the original friendship with?

In my experience it is practically impossible to stay friends with both halves of a couple when they split up and the person who was the original friend generally gets priority (as opposed to the person who was that person’s partner).

When my ex ditched me for someone else, he got all the friends too. Strangely his sister was the only person who maintained a friendship with me.

Not going to lie, that was probably the worst bit of the break up for me. Some of the friends had been my friends to begin with, and I introduced them.

Move on. It's not always easy to make new friends, but it's possible.

Long term couple friends broke up relatively recently. He was actually my friend first as we worked together. I had spent a lot more time with him. Turns out he had an affair, whatever was wrong in that marriage did not excuse that. So yes I have taken a side. He attempted to get his story in first without mentioning his new partner was an affair partner. So original friend out and fuck you Dave and your lovely ex wife in.

The other thing which I have read about on here is that some couples, well it’s the woman doing it actively avoid single women. You yourself stated it was you that did the donkey work on arranging stuff. When you made arrangements was it always with the woman in the couples you were friends with?