Is he right and was I being oversensitive?

[Quizzicality]

I ended this relationship a few weeks ago as I basically felt he belittled me at times, eg

• if listening to the radio, quizzed me on the song/who the singer is, and also did this in front of other people,
• did the same in his garden, walked me around it and quizzed me on plants/veg he was growing. I have a very basic garden but wasn't as into it as him.
• made fun of certain of my belongings and interests, cooking etc
• had to get up in the morning when he said so and had to make the bed straight away!

It actually made me feel stupid at times. Really, everything he did/ had was better. When I told him I didn't like it, he said he was used to growing up with brothers only - no sisters - and were always at each other like this, didn't realise I was so sensitive.

Was I?

You weren't too sensitive.

He was a dick

He was a grade A knobhead with controlling tendencies. You're well shot. Now take the final step and stop giving him headspace.

Nope but it doesn't matter whether you were oversensitive or not - you didn't like the way he made you feel, you were a poor match for each other.

You wanted a romantic partner not a condescending teacher. I can't imagine being walked round a garden "what's this plant?"
"weed or vegetable?" He needs to learn how to relate to women whether he grew up with sisters or not - are you the first woman he has ever come across.

Leave yourself available for someone who makes you feel clever and beautiful, someone who makes you feel witty and funny not some arse who thinks you're "sensitive".

It sounds like he’s is belittling you. It doesn’t just sound like teasing, I guess part of it could be the manner in which he does it though - is it gently and quietly with a little playful smile, and does he tease about other things too? Or is it harsh, cynical and sarcastically. I wouldn’t like either way but they’re different ways of behaviour. Do you say anything similar to him? He should know you well enough and care enough to not want to cause hurt, regardless of how he was brought up.

Seconded. He's a dick. You don't one up and order about the people you love.

No, you weren't over sensitive he is a PITA.

It sounds like he's taunting or provoking you .

Good grief what a dick he is. Don’t question yourself: your instincts are correct!

You're not over sensitive - unless that means you dislike being belitted and made to feel small.

My ex did this. He also called me oversensitive. It was one of many of his forms of abuse.

I'm so glad you've ended it @Quizzicality .

Any one of the things you described would have made me end the relationship, he sounds insecure and pathetic. Good riddance!

Really?

You're not arsehole here OP

Thanks, all. I was doubting myself a bit. Obviously he had his good points too, but it was this kind of superior attitude that upset me.

Anybody who thinks you're 'too something' thinks they know better than you about what the 'correct' level of 'something' is. But your level of 'something' is part of your personality, so they're basically telling you who to be, and that you should be how they want you to be, rather than how you are.

'You're too sensitive' is actually 'You're more sensitive than I, personally, enjoy.'

God he sounds awful, well done you for getting rid!

What a pompous twat. Good riddance.

You weren't being sensitive at all - don't know how you put up with that sort of arrogance. Glad you're away from it now.

Jeez what a cock!

He sounds vile, and making a bed the minute you leave it - eww , it needs to air, that is so unhygienic. Maybe he's not that smart after all.

He sounds like a nasty, controlling, manipulative bully. You’re well rid of the dickhead

It was neither, really - it was more, isn't he great, show-offy, I wouldn't be able to do this like him, this is how to cook something properly etc.

Sounds like he was against you from the start instead of in a partnership with you, which needs team work, bringing out the best in each other etc. It sounds like he has no idea how to make a good relationship work and lacks the basic skills needed!!

He’s a knob. For someone who clearly thinks themselves awfully clever he’s witless about relationships. He didn’t know you treat girlfriends and brothers differently. I don’t know who I feel more concerned for- you or his brothers 🤭

It doesn’t just sound like teasing, I guess part of it could be the manner in which he does it though - is it gently and quietly with a little playful smile, and does he tease about other things too? Or is it harsh, cynical and sarcastically. I wouldn’t like either way but they’re different ways of behaviour.

You'd be right not to like either way, they're both bad. Some abuse can be done subtly, with a smile, and can seem so innocent. He can't be abusive, he's so much fun, it's just his way of caring for me, showing me how to be better ...

If something makes you feel bad or doubt yourself, listen to that feeling and don't doubt yourself.

Thanks for all the helpful comments. I've learned a lot from this relationship - including tolerating certain things for longer than I really should have.