Hi sorry for the long post. Hard to explain…I’m a really private person, never share my troubles, worries or feelings and people always tell me how strong and independent I am. I guess I’m this away because of a terrible break up quite a few years ago. I was heartbroken and was treated really badly throughout the relationship and it took me a long time to get over him. I vowed one day to myself never to show any weakness and to never accept terrible treatment ever again. I am completely over this person now. I did try to put myself out there and date but I had zero joy and the ones who showed interest always showed up lots of red flags. I did have a FWB for a while which was fun but then I decided that wasn’t serving me either so the past 2 years I have been completely single and just focussed on myself and my family.
i am in my early to mid forties now and ive resigned myself to being single and to make peace with it. I find it such a difficult age and feel invisible to men my age.
i have a child, he’s 9 (the man I mentioned previously is not the father so no worries there).
I think the issue I’m having is my fear of the future. I don’t really have anyone. My parents are old and I fear the time they are no longer here. I fear when my son will eventually leave home because I’ll be all alone. when he is at his dads for a few days I miss him so so much and can’t wait for him to be home! The loneliness is really tough. I feel so very lonely also at the thought of when I will actually be all alone.
i have the odd friend but no one close. I have a good job and house etc. I go to gym classes 5 days a week. I am disciplined, motivated for each day to keep going and always say yes to invites etc and smile and chat to people. I still don’t have many friends though.
How to I keep my fears in check. My ex used to always joke that he would prefer to die alone than ever be married again and he’s now married to a much younger woman and has a family (he cheated on me). Turns out I’ll be the one who eventually dies alone! My fear for growing old and being so alone in this world scares me.
i just needed this off my chest because there is no way I would ever share my feelings in real life and to people!