Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I tried to end it...

15 replies

BrewandBiscuits0 · 13/02/2024 12:44

So for context, this is a new(ish) relationship of 8 months. We see each other most weekends as we are long-distance relationship however am I having doubts as to whether this is what I want. I first voiced this near Xmas time due to an argument we had and small disagreements that are grating on me. I just can't see it going the distance.
This weekend was supposed to be our first valentines weekend together but feeling pressure I had to just come out and be done with it. I was completely open and voiced my feelings about us being far apart and that I don't feel we are compatible amongst other things. This conversation went on for hours with me crying until I was red in the face for feeling guilty that he had come all the way to me for me to crash and burnt our weekend plans. He listened and talked with me but it ended up with him almost talking me round like "all relationships have their problems"..."I just can't leave. I can't do it"..."you are the other half to me"...its like what I was saying just wasn't sinking in for him. So I carried on with the rest of the weekend and dropped him at the station this morning. Now I'm left feeling the same as before but stuck as to what I can possibly say without breaking his heart?!

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 13/02/2024 12:45

Block him. Easy.

FreeRider · 13/02/2024 12:51

Many years ago I was in a long distance relationship with someone which was also not progressing as I wanted...and like you, I ended it with him. He also wouldn't accept it, kept sending me emails and messages trying to get me to change my mind...by the end of it I was near hating him. I ignored every single communication he sent my way and after 3 long months he finally got the message.

That guy said I broke his heart...unfortunately there's no way around that, his feelings were not more important to me than mine. If one person in a relationship of two people decides it's over, it's over. You have to make it clear to this man that your decision is non-negotiable.

SamW98 · 13/02/2024 12:53

You just tell him that you’ve thought on everything that happened the weekend and you’re standing by your decision to end the relationship.

Don't allow him to talk you round. You can end a relationship at any time for any reason - not wanting to hurt someone isn’t a reason to stay with them

EveryOtherNameTaken · 13/02/2024 12:58

@SamW98
This is the best way to go about it. I'd message it and not pick up the phone if he rings. Don't give him the chance to start guilt tripping you. Stick to messaging.

BranchGold · 13/02/2024 13:00

I think this is a time for blunt clarity. You know what you want. Express it clearly, it’s not about having an analysis and conversation but just say ‘this isn’t going to work for me, I’m ending the relationship. I wish you well. Please don’t harass me to change my mind.’

Is there anything practically that needs to be dealt with? Returning/collecting personal items?

UpUpUpU · 13/02/2024 13:02

I have had he same OP. Lovely guy but just didn't really fancy him or want to take it further. We dated for about a year and when I tried to end it he just would not accept it. Text me daily, kept calling me, sending me flowers etc. I was trying to be nice but ended up having to say some horrible things to get the message across.

This was years ago before it was normal to just block people and every now and again he will message on one platform or another to see if I have changed my mind and tell me I had broken his heart and ruined his life!

frozendaisy · 13/02/2024 13:19

Just do it by text message
This week
Don't let him travel or be there in person you tried that

ScottishShortie · 13/02/2024 13:21

I had this too. Years ago. In the end I just sent a clear text and stopped all communication after that. He finally got the message.

BrewandBiscuits0 · 13/02/2024 13:26

Thank you everyone.
I think I'm finding it difficult as most of my past relationships we have fallen out one way or another. This situation he is lovely but just not for me. But I know he feels more for me than I do him which is why it's so difficult. No issues with giving any personal belongings back etc. I might have a mug and some knickers at his but nothing major that he can't bin!

OP posts:
SpringleDingle · 13/02/2024 13:26

Do it by text and right now. After this weekend I am confirmed in my decision to end this relationship. I wish you all the best.

If he tries to change your mind then block him. Some guys really struggle to take rejection (I'm sure some women do too) so you may need to go a bit nuclear and block him on everything if he just will not stop. With my ex I ended up having to threaten with the police after he kept finding new ways to reach out 8 months after I broke it off! Once I made that threat he stopped (or at least I hope he has, it's now been quiet since September).

Dery · 13/02/2024 13:27

He will be hurt, OP. No way round that. But he will be more hurt if you let this drag on. And he will get over you. The sooner you end it, the sooner he can start to recover. No long explanations this time. You’re just not feeling it. And text is fine.

Gloriosaford · 13/02/2024 13:29

It's only a relationship if you are both on board, he seems to want a dictatorship !(which you should obviously run a mile from)

Cocacolacarrie · 13/02/2024 13:30

The problem is you cannot do with without hurting his feelings. You just need to accept your discomfort about hurting him.

When my ex and I broke up, he kept trying to cause arguments between us. Because it was easier for him to walk away when he was angry at me. There was a reason to walk away. He didn't like feeling like he was a bad person hurting my feelings.

PossumintheHouse · 13/02/2024 13:34

Send him a text or email explaining that you’ve thought about everything you discussed at the weekend and you don’t want to take things any further. Be firm but kind to him. Make it clear you won’t be changing your mind. Wish him all the best. The end.

Watchkeys · 13/02/2024 19:15

Why are you being so terribly careful about the feelings of someone who simply isn't listening to or respecting your decision?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread