Disagreement over the light

[butterflywingss]

I am unfortunately one of those grown adults that are still petrified of the dark and I hate how I feel when it is really dark. I get scared, I feel like I can't breath and overall it makes me feel extremely anxious.

My DH on the other hand, is the complete opposite and he's always switching the lights off at every possible chance.

We have disagreements on this as I like to have a light switched on somewhere because I feel less anxious when it's on. However, he hates it and goes to switch off. I have tried night lights as well during sleep and he gets really mad. I have also told him how I feel and I think he either ignores or genuinely forgets.

For example, we live in a small apartment and I am putting the baby to sleep and I like to leave the corridor light on with the door slightly shut. He then gets up switches that light off and shuts all the doors. It genuinely makes me so angry and I am typing this with my phone torch on 😂 (it's really not funny).

I may be ridiculous but anyone else going through something similar & what have you found helps to keep everyone happy ?

Funny enough black used to be my favourite colour but those days are so past me and now I only want to see and feel the brightness.

This looks good, I've seen these before. Might get one for my corridor actually

Love at first sight not married at first sight haha .. why do you ask ?

It's a tricky one, we've got dim lamps on our bedside tables which don't disturb the other as such but I much prefer to sleep in total darkness. Sometimes I wake up and DH is reading so it's not dark to get back to sleep. We don't have any other lights on, other than the hall light downstairs and a lamp in the living room for the dog.

Does he genuinely need it to be dark so he can sleep better or is he just irritated by you and so he makes a fuss out of the lights knowing that it upsets you.
The 'pranks' would suggest he's a prick.

How is your marriage otherwise?

Growing up my mum always left the landing light on at night & I have always done the same.

DP has a habit of going to the loo in the night and turning hall light out and then it's pitch black! I have insomnia so I'm usually still awake so it drives me mad.

We don't sleep in the same room now due to his snoring anyway, but I invested in rock salt lamps when we did share as he would always fall asleep & I would be awake reading. Still use my rock salt lamps every evening I have 2 bowl type ones in the living room and a pryramid shape one on a corner shelf near the bed, it's just a nice ambient glow & definitely not intrusive, you can get ones with a dimmer.

With the exception of the face mask (good idea), I disagree. She needs a light on as the darkness is causing her to have anxiety, which is a medical disorder. HE, however, wants the light off because it annoys him.

Needs should trump wants, every time.
Anything that causes harm should be prioritized over annoyance.
Fear of the dark has an easy fix- just leave the light on.
Irritation and annoyance from leaving the light on? Another easy fix- wear a sleep mask.

What seems to be happening is that he feels his convenience and preferences are more important than her health.

They're excellent I got a set of three from Amazon, you just plug them into a socket.

Because otherwise you would have known this was the problem between the two of you.
I made the mistake like that with my XDP. My ex wanted the termostat at 18 max and "just wear a sweater", I wanted it at 21 min. With the current DP we don't have that problem as he gets cold too. It's such a difference to my comfort of living!

Could you use a sunrise alarm?

They mostly also have a 'sunset' setting that dims the light gradually over 30 mins.

And get him a mask.

Buy him a fancy eye mask for birthday/valentine's/Easter and tell him to wear it and get over it.

From a fellow scared of the dark gal ❤️

My Dh uses a wireless charger that lights up, I just put a towel over it and problem solved.

You aren't on your own. I've had terrible trouble since watching All of us Strangers - I didn't realise it was such a ghost story. I am seeing Adam and Harry waiting for me every time I leave a room.
I am still seeing air fresheners and body parts under bath panels since reading Dennis Nilsson's murder casebook magazine in 1989 every time I go to the bathroom in the dark.
I think having a few lights on Alexa has helped my husband will turn them on for me via his phone if I'm going home to an empty house and you can ask Alexa to put lights on as you move about. That's helped me. And my dh is kind about it which helps.. it's not very nice that your dh has an intolerance to your fear even though many people will feel it's silly.
I didn't even realise clowns were scary until recent years now I always think ones going to be stood waiting at the end of the drive just staring!

Not RTFT but I’m like you - I hate the pitch dark. I find it suffocating.

And I don’t think of myself as a scaredy cat - I think it’s logical to be unnerved when you can’t see anything. After all, we don’t choose to walk around during the day with our eyes closed. And there are practical considerations to this.

I think your DH needs to compromise a bit rather than constantly leaving you in the pitch dark. DH is also very light sensitive so we have no light in our bedroom but there is a bit of natural lightness from outside (we live in London) so it’s never so dark that you can’t see at all. He puts a sleep mask on if he needs that extra bit of darkness (eg summer mornings when it’s light so early). We have a pale nightlight in a plug on the landing so there’s enough light to see where you’re going if needed.

He gets really mad at you, controls you and deliberately scares you. He causes you to panic.

This is domestic abuse.