Said hadn't been talking when they had

[teaselgrain]

I was WFH (upstairs office) when DS's gf arrived at our house at weekend. DS lives with us but he and his gf work in different counties so don't see each other during the week.

Both DH and DS were downstairs when she arrived. Normally say a quick hello and then she will take her travel bag upstairs with DS to their room.

I heard talking for a while but it sounded like DH and DS's gf voices rather than DS, then heard DS come upstairs and go into the bathroom. DH and gf were still talking. When gf came upstairs, I heard her say 'wot?!' to DS as if to say 'what are you looking at me like that for?!'.

I later asked DH what gf had been talking about when she arrived. He seemed confused and said/asked he didn't think she had been talking? I left it a bit and then asked him again, saying that I had heard him talking for a while, and then he said they had been talking about the dog.

My question - why would he say gf hadn't been talking when she had been talking?!

probably because it was just meaningless social filler and didn't register?

Because it was a brief convo that was just being polite and didn't mean much, so he didn't remember it? Why do you find it so significant? You sound suspicious.
Is there a back-story, because on its own it looks like nothing, but has you wondering for some reason.

No back story and not suspicious but baffled for two reasons. One, that he seemed to not remember she had been talking with him some 20 minutes earlier. Two, what caused her to say 'wot' in that way to DS. DS must have given her a look, or seemed annoyed with her for her to say that.

Either it was just chit chat, or something was said that's none of your business and he doesn't want to talk about it. Either is fine, and I don't know why you felt the need to make a thread about it. Your son IS allowed a private life, and I assume he is an adult.

He had a brief chat with someone who's staying in your home and you're quizzing him over the details? You definitely have a problem, although I'm not sure what it is. Why does it matter to you? What's made this an issue?

Unless there is a huge backstory here of your husband previously having an affair with your son's girlfriend (or similar) you sound like you are being quite controlling of your family's interactions with others? If my husband quizzed me about a random interaction like this I would feel very ill at ease and quite controlled to be honest.

Do you suspect your husband with your son's girlfriend? And do you have a reason to do so beyond him making conversation while she is in the house, and her saying "what?" (Which I don't see as even possible evidence of anything anyway - do you fear your son walked in on girlfriend and husband kissing, and merely gave her a quizzical look?)

I probably didn't explain it well.

No I don't suspect DH with gf at all.

DS didn't walk in as he had left the room. I didn't see what sort of look he gave her.

And I wasn't quizzing, just curious to know what the conversation had been about.

I had a conversation with the window cleaner earlier. I could not now, under pressure of torture, tell you what we talked about. It was just filling the time while he cleaned the window.

Are you suffering from anxiety of any kind? This does seem a very random thing to be so concerned over.

No, I am not suffering from any anxiety.

DH initially had no recollection of a conversation taking place at all and yet it had been 20 minutes earlier!

Why? It seems like an odd thing to quiz him on, and perfectly normal to have an idle chit chat about nothing much/the dog when someone arrives at your house.

I think your reaction is odd.

I think it's the fact the gf and ds were a bit upset at each other that makes me think it's not a weird reaction at all- Id also suspect some sort of argument happened downstairs.

You sound like the Spanish Inquisition! You asked him once, and he couldn't remember having much of a conversation.

You then 'left it a bit and asked again'...at this point it starts to get weird behaviour from you. You are also wanting to know what your son said - or how he looked at his girlfriend.

You then came on to post asking random strangers why your DH would do this - that's definitely odd.

You then seem surprised that posters think you are controlling or anxious. You genuinely seem to not realise that most people would find your behaviour really over the top.

I definitely didn't hear any sort of argument.

So what do you think it's all about OP? You obviously have some concerns, what are they?

The reason I left it a bit and asked again was because I had heard a conversation between DH and gf, and yet he had said she hadn't been talking? I felt like, 'but I just heard her talking'. That's why I asked again, and that's when he said they had been talking about the dog! Baffling!

Ok I was on your side but after the updates I am baffled what the issue is.

I’m baffled as to why this minor thing is on your mind enough to start a thread on it.

Maybe your DH meant that they hadn't been talking about anything in particular when he said they hadn't been talking? Maybe he assumed from your tone that you thought they'd been having an actual discussion, when all they'd been saying is something like 'dog really likes wagging her tail doesn't she?' 'Yes, she's been really happy today,' something completely meaningless like that, which isn't a discussion it's just pointless, space filling words.

I have no idea! Why say that a conversation hadn't taken place when it had?

So you're WFH and earwigging and analysing and quizzing everyone, chill out.

Let's suppose, as you seem to believe, that your husband has indeed initially lied. He has deliberately intended to mislead you and convince you he had not been talking to the girlfriend. He only finally admitted it when you asked again and he realised you knew he had spoken to her so his lies wouldn't work.

Why do you think that would be - what do you consider the most likely reason for him to lie to you about this matter?

(I'm just trying to get to the heart of what the thread is about.....)

The reasons I can think of for him to lie about this matter are that they might have been discussing a surprise for me but then I don't think DS would have left the room at that point. I suppose an other reason to lie might have been because he thinks I wouldn't like the content of the conversation but I can't think of what that might have been. If it had been inappropriate content, DS would not have left the room, I don't think.