Am I overthinking?

[kittyycattt]

ok, so met a guy for coffee, got on well. He asks me for dinner the next week, we live a bit apart. I'm assuming he's gonna get the train to town, and we'll have food, drinks, and he will get train home. So he messages telling me he's gonna drive..........can he pop into my flat 1st, before dinner, and er actually would it be ok if he then just stayed at mine (said he'd being a duvet). I stupidly agreed to all of this, and he rocks up with like a load of stuff that made me think he'd have happily stayed the weekend. Fast forward and I am totally over thinking this, way too full on and despite the fact it's in the past, whole thing has just made me feel weird. Am I just being a prude?

No that’s awful! So you let him stay?! Did he share your bed? Very cheeky if you didn’t ask him or want him to. Nothing to do with being prudish.

I did that with someone once as he had drunk too much to drive home and he stayed on the settee but the next morning I couldn’t get rid of him. I think he was still drunk. I literally said, I’m going out now so you will have to go and chucked him out.

Not being a prude no.

I suspect some of your feeling is discomfort at having allowed yourself to be talked into something you weren't 100% comfortable with.

Yes, he was wrong to ask but you didn't say no.

I think this is your body's way of warning you to stick to your guns next time.

The 'weird' feeling, I mean.

I think it's very weird, unless he lives more than 2-3 hours or so away and doing all the driving, but then it would still have been better to both drive or take the train and meet half way this early on and both go to your own home at the end of it.
Is very imposing that he asked to stay at your place when you hardly knew him even if it was on the sofa. Slightly different if it naturally happened that way as the date progressed. But feel like he should have assumed he was going home unless you specifically invited him to stay.

It would make me uncomfortable too and give me the ick.

I agree that it's partially that she allowed him when she didn't really want it, but I think someone who puts you in that position especially this early on is a bit of a red flag. That's where I think the weird feeling comes from.

Thank you so much, am just feeling like I've been stupid but I can't shake the retrospective "ick". Lesson learned- respect my boundaries.

There’s a few things to unpick here. The staff he asked to stay at yours after 1 coffee date is a bit of a red flag.
Then you need to understand why you agreed to something you felt uncomfortable with and potentially put your safety at risk.

You’re definitely not a prude but you need to enforce your boundaries better.