I need excuses

[Firstmom264]

I need to come up with an excuse to put my boyfriend off moving in with me. This situation is crazy. We’ve been together 2 years but it’s never escalated into what I wanted. He’s never met my family. He’s met my son but never bonded with him. He can go months without ‘seeing him’ he’ll come round when he’s in bed, we’ll spend weekends together etc.. it’s always felt like a ‘secret’ relationship away from my ‘real’ life.. I see him when I’m ‘free’ basically.. my son knows I have a boyfriend but he doesn’t like him. Probably because he’s 9 and he’s picked up on the fact it’s weird he’s never around. My boyfriends had enough of living with his mom and wants to move in here. Of course I’d love to live with him but I know it’s not fair on my son at all. I just feel too comfortable with how things are. In my head I know I’m living in lala land but I’m just so in love with him I’m not ready to ‘let go’. He’s ready to pack up his stuff and move in ASAP. I need an excuse to stop it from happening but I just can’t think what. I know I could always just tell the truth that I’m not ready, don’t feel like it’s a good idea etc but I don’t want the argument, the breakup etc I’m just not ready for that. I do know that life can’t carry on like this and I’m fighting the inevitable, but I need to wean myself off him in my own time.. I just need a good enough excuse to put him off. I need time to think properly

The other thread you just posted about this exact same thing wasn't enough?

How about "NO." Maybe start there. 🙄

Your son doesn't like him. Your boyfriend isn't that fussed about getting to know him either.
In fact your BF's main priority is getting away from his mother.
It's unlikely to end well, is it?

Why not just 'I don't want to live with you. I like things the way they are. I like having my own place. So sorry, but no'.

That's not an excuse or a lie. You're in an adult relationship and that involves being honest. You don't have to be so honest that you tell him he's a shitty boyfriend. That probably would scare him off. But give him the basics.

Alternatively- 'I don't think you're ready to live with kids'. Or 'sorry but my kid comes first and you haven't really made the effort with him so it would not be right to just move you in'.

You don’t need an excuse. You need to break up with him.

Ps: if he's never lived away from home, he needs to do that by himself for several years before moving in with you (otherwise you'll just be expected to be mummy) So you need to tell him he'd be wise to take the opportunity to do that.

"I need to know you are capable of being on your own and taking care of a home and your own bills, needs, and household before I move in with you. So maybe take this opportunity to rent a place/flatshare. And we can revisit the talk of living together in say...18 months'.

OH I can forsee a cocklodger on the prowl competing against a 9 year old for your attention. Don't do it.

Cocklodger. Change your locks.