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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why are the police so woeful around domestic abuse?

25 replies

TitaniumTess · 11/02/2024 18:26

My ex was very abusive and controlling emotionally and psychologically. I escaped him but he did a lot of post separation abuse too.

He made a lot of false allegations during family court proceedings.

My first 101 was whilst we all lived together. There have been lots since. I talked to the police about pressing charges as I have lots of evidence but they said that I had missed it timing wise....

None of this makes sense to me. Why do they just give it all lip service?

OP posts:
IfIHadAHeart · 11/02/2024 20:25

How long ago did this happen? As in, what was the time between it occurring and you reporting it?

EnterNowhere · 11/02/2024 20:28

I'm sure the limit on prosecuting for DA is something like 2 years from when it happened? I could be wrong though, and may depend on the type of abuse. I assume this comes from laws passed by government rather than the police.

Original poster
TitaniumTess · 11/02/2024 20:40

Abuse was 2016 until now really...

First 101 in 2020....latest in 2023...

OP posts:
IfIHadAHeart · 11/02/2024 20:48

The statutory time limit for domnestic-related common assault is 2 years from the incident (but the prosecution must be commenced within 6 months of it being reported to police). However that has only been the case since 2022; anything before that was 6 months from the date of the incident. So anything since 2022 could still be prosecuted as it’s within the 2 years. Anything older than that can’t be.

PutMyFootIn · 11/02/2024 20:50

Your post is odd because it isn't the victim that presses charges anyway, it's the police.

Original poster
TitaniumTess · 11/02/2024 20:52

This is another point, because I know it says that the police should find the evidence but I laid some of it out for them and they didn't pursue it.

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 11/02/2024 21:36

I reported DA for the police last September. It was a very bad experience. The officer who came to see me eithther didn't believe me or didn't believe the incidents I was telling her about were DA.

She told me she would write up a report and it would be sent to someone for consideration and some kind of recommendation. She said that when she has the recommendation she would phone me up to tell me what it was. I never heard from her again.

Shhhhivegotasecret · 11/02/2024 23:20

Have to say in my experience the police were brilliant when my husband (at the time now ex) attacked me. Wouldn’t want anyone to be put off calling the police in this situation

Dartmoorcheffy · 11/02/2024 23:25

The police were fantastic with me when my husband (now ex obviously) attacked me. They quickly followed up to.go round and warn him after I made a further complaint when he tried to run me over as I crossed a road and told him hw would be jailed for one more incident. He was given an indefinite restraining order too.

Happyinarcon · 11/02/2024 23:37

Feminism should be tackling this kind of issue instead of worrying about whether a woman uses Ms or Mrs. We keep getting told how oppressed we are but then the spotlight goes on things like getting women enrolled in nuclear physics or some crap rather than basic safety in the home.

Yellowshirt · 11/02/2024 23:54

West Mercia police didn't care when I reported domestic and financial abuse against my Ex Wife and I had the evidence.

My Ex wife is an assistant head teacher as well so it could of made a big difference with regards to her future career and and other things like housing and child care for my daughter who was 14 at the time.

The police not supporting you only makes the recovery harder as you never feel like you have closure and you can't even get basic needs like temporary accommodation and a ban on them contacting you

PeggySooo · 11/02/2024 23:56

It's a male dominated profession which attracts people who like control over others.

LilBus · 11/02/2024 23:57

They were ok for me and I actually withdrew my statement and said that I didn’t want to take things further but they still tried to convict ex without me knowing!

Original poster
TitaniumTess · 12/02/2024 05:45

I've been promised a follow up with a DV expert on a number of occasions but it's gone quiet. I logged a police complaint at one point after a particularly bad incident but they just closed that too.

OP posts:
Funderthighs · 12/02/2024 05:49

The police are woeful generally.

Naunet · 12/02/2024 08:51

Happyinarcon · 11/02/2024 23:37

Feminism should be tackling this kind of issue instead of worrying about whether a woman uses Ms or Mrs. We keep getting told how oppressed we are but then the spotlight goes on things like getting women enrolled in nuclear physics or some crap rather than basic safety in the home.

Why is it down to feminists to solve this problem? What are you doing about it, other than telling feminists what to do? Also, are you aware that it’s possible for people to care about two things at the same time?

Yellowshirt · 17/02/2024 18:59

@TitaniumTess . Did the police get back in touch? They quickly closed my case down due to lack of evidence.
Basically because they are lazy and don't understand or care about this abuse and how without a conviction the victim never really gets closure

Original poster
TitaniumTess · 18/02/2024 06:50

@Yellowshirt hi, no. They get back in touch after each 101 log, and say to keep logging incidents.

But, overall, fundamentally, they don't do anything.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 18/02/2024 07:03

Abuse happens, police try and get the victim to leave, they go back, it happens again rinse and repeat

The police can only do so much, the police arrange to prosecute if they have enough actual evidence

Then victims don't want to proceed

Again the police and courts can only do so much

Iheartmysmart · 18/02/2024 07:44

I contacted the police after witnessing domestic abuse outside my flat. Gave them the car make, model and registration number and a description of the man involved. It was also witnessed by several other residents in the development. Apparently that was insufficient proof and not enough information for the police to act on. Somewhere out there is a woman, child and dog being screamed at and threatened with having their ‘fucking faces smashed in’ and that’s just his behaviour in public.

Yellowshirt · 18/02/2024 11:19

@TitaniumTess . That was exactly my experience as well.
They don't understand that there lack of support is just another kick in the teeth for a person already at there lowest ebb having been abused and in a very vulnerable situation.

Yellowshirt · 18/02/2024 11:25

@WandaWonder .
The police are lazy. Black eyes and documentation showing abuse is not enough? Do they need blood?
Its easier for the police to give out speeding tickets than support victims of domestic and other abuses suffered in a relationship.
There is a lot more West Mercia Police could of done for me and my daughter. They did nothing because they are crap and lazy. Its that simple.

anothernamitynamenamechange · 18/02/2024 14:11

Not in the UK but I called the police because the neighbours were having a very loud argument. I say argument, but I could only hear him shouting and swearing a lot, I could hear muffled pleading tone of voice from her and crashing furniture. (Of course it might have been nothing but because I couldn't see what was going on I preferred to call). They:

  1. First thought I was making a noise complaint
  2. Tried to get in by knocking but do one answered. It was quiet by then and fair enough they cant force their way in.
  3. Then knocked on my door and asked loudly if I was the neighbour who'd called the police even though Id specifically said on the phone I didn't want them to know it was me
  4. Asked me what the neighbours looked like and when I gave a physical description lost all interest and said "Oh that's just their culture"

I'm still glad I called because at least it stopped the argument and make neighbour ended up leaving soon after but the police were crap.

Betterbuckleupbarbara · 18/02/2024 20:55

Another one here agreeing the police in general are woeful and some are abusers themselves.

Persephonespip · 18/02/2024 21:00

I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience, op and I’m sure others have too. But for those who might otherwise be put off reporting DA, the police were excellent in my case.

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