Dating again at 45

GwinGwyn · 2024-02-11T15:52:23+00:00

Just looking for a bit of advice really… my last relationship ended in 2019 and it was a fairly traumatic break up, so much so that I promised myself I wouldn’t even consider dating someone new until I had worked through the all of the pain properly as no one else needs to deal with my baggage. It’s taken some time, but I think I have got there now. I’m turning 45 this month and haven’t been in the dating pool for an age - does anyone have any advice on older dating? I don’t think Tinder is for me and I already have hobbies that bring me into contact with other people (although no one that I fancy at all), so does anyone have any advice about dating at my age? Sorry if this seems a stupid question, it’s just for the first time I am actually fairly self-conscious about the idea of getting back out there.

occhiazzurri · 11/02/2024 16:03

if you are looking for casual fun/sex, OLD is your best friend but be prepared as it is not for the faint hearted. Otherwise you need to find ways to expand your social network through work or if you have kids or join some sports clubs such as running or cross fit.

80s · 11/02/2024 16:19

I was dating at 45. As my children were in their teens, I wasn't trying to found a new family. So I wasn't looking for a relationship especially, just some fun - someone to go out with, whose company I enjoyed. That attitude was an advantage: rather than wondering if men were going to like me or worrying what they thought, I treated the dates as if the men were coming to a job interview for the position of entertaining companion. I was relaxed and focused purely on having a nice night out. I think that came across, and the men seemed to find it quite attractive.
I had lots of fun. Had a longish fling with one guy. Did a second round of dating when I was 47 and am still with the man who passed that interview :)
So I'd personally recommend going into it without any expectation that it will turn into something serious, and getting pleasure out of the dating process itself.

Wafflethewonderdoggy · 11/02/2024 16:23

I’ve found Bumble good. Lots of people in their 40s and 50s.
I think good to approach it as a hobby and chance to have a few coffees with hopefully interesting and nice people, and if something more comes of it that’s all good but no high expectations! I had chats with lots of people that generally fizzled or I wasn’t feeling it so didn’t go anywhere. Took a little break then went on and met someone lovely, 4 months ago now.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/02/2024 16:25

Keep your eyes WIDE open, and that applies to a woman of any age. Do not make the mistake of ignoring red flags and your gut feelings.

jdebalt · 11/02/2024 16:26

Hinge. I was 42 and met my now husband and we're expecting our first baby in 6 weeks. I was married twice previously! Good luck :)

Original poster

GwinGwyn · 11/02/2024 16:27

occhiazzurri · 11/02/2024 16:03

if you are looking for casual fun/sex, OLD is your best friend but be prepared as it is not for the faint hearted. Otherwise you need to find ways to expand your social network through work or if you have kids or join some sports clubs such as running or cross fit.

Thanks for your response, no kids and the organisation I work for is only 10-people strong, so not really an option there. I have heard of OLD but not sure if it is for me, I had enough unsolicited dick pics in my 20s/30s! Keep your turkey balls to yourself please chum! I was thinking of taking up boxing, so that might be a way. Running isn’t great for me as my knees are fairly knackered from rugby in my youth.

OP posts:

Original poster

GwinGwyn · 11/02/2024 16:29

80s · 11/02/2024 16:19

I was dating at 45. As my children were in their teens, I wasn't trying to found a new family. So I wasn't looking for a relationship especially, just some fun - someone to go out with, whose company I enjoyed. That attitude was an advantage: rather than wondering if men were going to like me or worrying what they thought, I treated the dates as if the men were coming to a job interview for the position of entertaining companion. I was relaxed and focused purely on having a nice night out. I think that came across, and the men seemed to find it quite attractive.
I had lots of fun. Had a longish fling with one guy. Did a second round of dating when I was 47 and am still with the man who passed that interview :)
So I'd personally recommend going into it without any expectation that it will turn into something serious, and getting pleasure out of the dating process itself.

That’s excellent advice, I like the job interview metaphor and the idea of no expectations. I think if I go into it thinking I might make a new friend then if more transpires it’s a bonus really isn’t it? Am so pleased that your successful interview is still going strong! I think I need to reset my head a bit and get pleasure out of meeting new people as you say - I like meeting new people in my ordinary, non-romantic life so how should it be any different? Thank you!

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Original poster

GwinGwyn · 11/02/2024 16:30

Wafflethewonderdoggy · 11/02/2024 16:23

I’ve found Bumble good. Lots of people in their 40s and 50s.
I think good to approach it as a hobby and chance to have a few coffees with hopefully interesting and nice people, and if something more comes of it that’s all good but no high expectations! I had chats with lots of people that generally fizzled or I wasn’t feeling it so didn’t go anywhere. Took a little break then went on and met someone lovely, 4 months ago now.

Brilliant, that’s really helpful. I hadn’t thought about Bumble. Yes I think your approach makes perfect sense - also so pleased that you met someone lovely! Thanks for taking the time to respond, I appreciate it.

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Original poster

GwinGwyn · 11/02/2024 16:32

Aquamarine1029 · 11/02/2024 16:25

Keep your eyes WIDE open, and that applies to a woman of any age. Do not make the mistake of ignoring red flags and your gut feelings.

Totally agree with you, if anything I am very much on the cautious side, I’m divorced and I am very clear about what is and is not alright. But a helpful timely reminder, I have a friend who just can’t seem to be by herself and dates all manner of total arseholes. I don’t want that for me.

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Original poster

GwinGwyn · 11/02/2024 16:32

jdebalt · 11/02/2024 16:26

Hinge. I was 42 and met my now husband and we're expecting our first baby in 6 weeks. I was married twice previously! Good luck :)

Oh I’ve heard of Hinge but never looked into it. Thanks for the advice and I am so happy that your story had a lovely, happy ending! Thanks so much!

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Rania78 · 11/02/2024 21:00

80s · 11/02/2024 16:19

I was dating at 45. As my children were in their teens, I wasn't trying to found a new family. So I wasn't looking for a relationship especially, just some fun - someone to go out with, whose company I enjoyed. That attitude was an advantage: rather than wondering if men were going to like me or worrying what they thought, I treated the dates as if the men were coming to a job interview for the position of entertaining companion. I was relaxed and focused purely on having a nice night out. I think that came across, and the men seemed to find it quite attractive.
I had lots of fun. Had a longish fling with one guy. Did a second round of dating when I was 47 and am still with the man who passed that interview :)
So I'd personally recommend going into it without any expectation that it will turn into something serious, and getting pleasure out of the dating process itself.

That’s exactly what I am doing and finding it a lot of fun.
OP, just go out with the mindset of meeting people and a drink. You reLly never know when and how your are going to fall in love. I find OLD. A lot of fun and I have met very nice and interesting men.

mermaidforever26 · 08/06/2024 15:22

young men will love you in your mid-late 40s :)

DryRiser · 21/08/2024 22:30

Treat it as a game, but not in a nasty way - a fun way. Chat with people for a week, then meet for a coffee, and then go your separate ways. Treat everyone you meet as a friend or a new colleague even, and see how you get along. With no expectations comes no disapointments.