Dating quandary

[Cherrypiepieces]

So I've been doing OLD for a few months now, out of a 15 year relationship so definitely not ready to dive in too deep and sometimes find the whole process a bit overwhelming. I also have 2 kids who I look after part time.

I've recently been speaking to 2 guys that are very chalk and cheese and just trying to figure out what to do.

First guy is a twice divorced dad of 4, still lives with his most recent ex for 'financial reasons', he came on fairly strong from the start, he came off the dating site I met him on as he said he found it all too time consuming. We've messaged back and forth for a bit, his frequency of messaging is quite a lot, maybe 5-6 messages a day, talking about future dates, taking me away for the weekend etc. We had our first date on Friday. He came to me and we went for drinks, he was very handsome and I was attracted to him but not in a lustful way more of a physical attraction. He was super attentive, an absolute gentleman in fact but there were some red flags when we were talking, told me he's in therapy, he has depression but won't take medication, told me about how his intimate relationship with his second wife fizzled out, felt like a bit of oversharing. We ended the night with a kiss which was nice and then he's continued to text me since, when can I see you again etc. I'm just not sure how I feel.

Then on the other hand there is the second guy, 10 years younger than me, very sweet, kind, intelligent, we seem to just click and I feel so comfortable around him, I've seen him 3 times now and we have been physical as it felt right and it's been amazing. He has no expectations and we've both agreed to take it slow and just enjoy spending time with each other.

On the one hand the first guy seems like the kind of guy I should go for in terms of a relationship (older, has kids, good job etc) but I seem to be more drawn to the other guy, I'm just not sure whether I am sabotaging a potential better relationship for lust, but I don't just feel lust for the second guy, we laugh and have fun and it feels good! So I'm in two minds whether to let guy one fizzle out and just focus on the other guy as it seems too much to handle dealing with both at the same time.

Any thoughts appreciated.

Let guy one fizzle out and see how it goes with guy two, you haven’t written anything negative about guy 2 and have concerns with guy one.

Guy 1 stay well away from full stop. Guy 2 depends on his age. If he’s 20 and your 30 then stay clear but if you are both 30+ then enjoy it and see how it turns out.

Thank you, can I ask why you say that about guy 1? I think I know the reasons. Guy 2 is 35 and I'm 45.

Guy one has red flags all over him. Still living with his partner is a biggie.

Go for #2

#1 is still living with his ex, talked about his sex life with her and your first date and wint take meds for his depression

I spent too long with partners like #1 who were "interesting" because of their unresolved issues. Now I have zero empathy for such people.

Guy 1 would be a no go for me due to still being enmeshed with his ex. Imagine it progressing and you can’t go to his because she’s living there?

Personally, I stay clear of men who are not long separated as often they’re the type to jump from one woman to the next without a gap or they’re looking for casual

I agree,.thank you, I think it's the quandary of a guy coming and sweeping you off your feet in terms of promising all these amazing dates, you think that's sweet and romantic, but turns out it's actually too intense. And the red flags, for sure, like him coming off the dating site after we spoke and he jokingly said on our date 'oh you better be the one' just too much and actually more of a turn off!!

Yeah I'd definitely stick with guy 2!

It's early stages, I'd say at least one will sooner or later not come to anything, maybe they both won't.
I'd favour guy 2 over 1, as guy 1 hasn't separated to his own accommodation, twice divorced, 4kids, depressed, he will have too many issues. Quickly coming off the app, rings alarm bells, that he might not have separated and worried about getting caught out on the app.

So, your post can essentially be boiled down to "There's one guy I fancy and one guy I don't. Which one should I date?"

Come on OP, you know the answer here.

Personally I'd avoid the first man. Two divorces, 4 kids and still living with his "ex" and refuses to medicate his depression? Nope!

You said you weren't looking to get in too deep so give it a go with the second chap and see where it takes you. I assume he's either not looking for anything heavy, or isn't interested in having his own children if he's gone for an older woman?

Yup I do know the answer, I think was just sanity checking whether I was seeing the red flags or ignoring them, and as I've been lovebombed by a guy online before i find it hard sometimes to gauge someone who might be genuinely interested as opposed to have some kind of hidden agenda.