What's a normal amount of time to spend away from your partner each week?

[friendswiththemonstera]

Assuming you don't have DC, and you both work full time, how many nights per week would you expect to spend with a partner that you don't live with? Let's say you've been together around 18 months, 2 years.

Including exercising away from them, spending time with friends and family and doing independent hobbies.

The men I've dated always seem to want me to spend my time with them almost exclusively and feel really slighted if I want any time with other people. As an example, a recent ex got upset because I went for lunch with my two sisters for about 3 hours on a Sunday because I'd been away on holiday with one of those sisters the previous Friday morning to Friday morning. I spent Friday night, all of Saturday and then Sunday morning and evening with him, but he was very upset with me for doing something with my sister when I'd just seen her. Bearing in mind my other sister hadn't been with us and we'd arranged this lunch to talk about some family issues that were coming up, I thought it was a bit much to get annoyed.

This same ex felt I was going out too much if I went once or twice a week to see friends etc, even though every other night of the week and pretty much all weekend was spent together. Am I unusual for wanting to do this?

I’d say up to three nights a week in your circumstance plus a day on the weekend if you were free. That’s about max. Typical could be one weeknight and one day on the weekend. I say this as someone who has had two very long term relationships including my current one where I’m married. Seeing each other loads isn’t necessary.

He also got a bit funny about certain activities - e.g. he didn't want me to go swimming with a friend, for example, because that is something he and I had done together too and he was jealous that I was going to go with someone else (who invited me), even though we could have just also gone on a different night. For me, I feel like if I have a partner I'd like to see them 3 weeknights and at least one of Friday or Saturday night, then a whole weekend day. More is fine but having plans for the rest of the time is also fine.

I think having separate lives outside of a relationship is essential so a partner who wanted us to do everything together wouldn’t work for me

My last (2.5) year relationship we saw each other weekends only. He’d usually come over after work Friday and go home Sunday afternoon. We never saw each other in the week.

If I meet someone now, I wouldn’t want to see them more than maybe once during the week plus weekends.

However there’s no right or wrong, but sulking because you can’t any to see friends and family - huge red flag.

As soon as someone tries to control the amount of time you spend seeing family and friends, you run away, fast.

This. There’s no right or wrong as to how often you see each other but it’s when they start controlling what you do with other people, red flag - get rid

To be clear, this is an ex, we've been broken up a little while. But my ex before was like this too - come to think of it, I think all of my adult relationships have involved living in each other's pockets and me being told I'm selfish if I do things with other people. I was wondering if there are actually men out there that have their own friends and want to see them?! Ha

Hmm, my dp isn’t particularly off out with mates, but he does not, and would not, try and dictate to me how much I see my friends and family. And he knows I wouldn’t put up with it if he tried. He loves me and wants Me to be happy she fulfilled inside and outside of our relationship.

Maybe have a look back through how all those relationships started and if there were any red flags you missed at the start? I'm guessing love bombing?

There were definitely red flags with my previous ex, but with this one and others I think I've just gone for people who are really into me, and we've both been a bit codependent, then over time I get resentful and want to see my friends and it all falls apart. It's definitely something I'm contributing to in the beginning period, I think. But I think my baseline for what is "normal" is also off. I get that people have different needs for together and alone time but I think, looking at the relationships of other people I know, that mine aren't too outlandish.

A lot don't! I was watching an influencer recently anniyinlyncnat remember who but she was
Saying how she keeps dating men who want friends ship (obviously with sex too) and are looking for this companion ship
On dating apps as they have so few actual
Friends

If youve been very full on at the start, then that will set the precedent for the expectations in the relationship. So when you do want time for yourself 18 months in, it will feel like you are pulling away to the other person.

Rather than presuming all men get jealous, focus on making sure you express your own needs and independence in the early stages of a relationship. Spend time apart from day one.

Yes funny enough my most recent ex actually started as a FWB thing and he would travel to see me ALL the time because he has absolutely no friends in the UK. Thing is, he never put any effort into finding any, whether at work, through hobbies or whatever else. One of my friends husbands was keen to go for a beer with him and he got really funny about it.

Well, I was still going out the same amount at the start as at the end, but ex would come meet me and stay at mine after I'd been out. I'd say I only want to see him once or twice a week and he'd say fine then he pushing to see me every night if I was free. Then later he resented me for still wanting to see friends and would complain that he always had to fit in with my schedule - but that was only because he literally never had plans, so we just saw each other when I was also free.

I should have realised that when he was pushing to see me all the time it was indicating a big incompatibility in how much time we wanted together, even if he said he was ok with seeing me less.

Can anyone else share their expectations? I'm finding seeing other people's opinions really useful!