I don't know where I stand

[rosekxx]

I don't really know where I stand anymore in my relationship, my partner seems to be depressed at the moment, and worrying about his health a lot, he usually stays awake all night and goes to sleep when I wake up with the kids, I kind of expect a good mood when he wakes up but every single day he's just in the worst mood ready for an argument but only with me, everyone else he's pretty decent with. I feel burnt out by taking on the load of absolutely everything my children are young so need a lot of attention, the cleaning, cooking and trying to look after myself in the meantime. I'm trying to help him but he twists my help into me taking the piss out of him. He has no motivation for anything. Most days he will get up and go straight to the gym because he says it helps him, but I kind of expect a little help when he is awake because I'm exhausted, over stimulated ect. I can't say anything because he makes out I'm being selfish because he's struggling, I'm so done with constantly being picked at and snapped at ever second of my life. Am I being insensitive or? Where do I go from here😢

Decide on your boundaries. However ill he is, you are still responsible for saying 'no' when it becomes too much.

The first question is: Why are you trying to help him, when he doesn't want you to?

He's being an arse, and maybe because he's unwell, but that doesn't mean you just have to take it. You can tell him you've had enough, you can tell him what you need, and you can tell him what you will do if you don't get it. It doesn't have to be personal; make it about you: 'I won't stay in a relationship where I'm disrespected and shouted at, so, if I continue to find myself in that position, I will leave.' Nothing about him, so he can't feel attacked, and he can't argue.

What would he say if you said that? Have you tried?

Yeah I've tried, time and time again, he gets emotional says he needs help, I've even called his doctor for him but the wait is long, he lives in my hometown hours away from his family he says he will be happy if we move, but I don't know if I can take that risk and isolate myself even more with the way things are going at the moment, but it's a cycle, like right now he's miserable, not talking to me, by 7/8am he will cheers up for a bit, I'll go to bed wake up and it happens all over again

I'm trying to visualize your setup.
He moved to be with you/m9ved in with you?
What's his mental health history? What treatments have been tried?
How long has this been going on?
Do you own the house - if so is it owned jointly?

• or is it rented, if so whose in whose name(s)?

Do either of you work? What are each of you contributing financially? Are the children his? How old?

So we've both moved for eachother we've only a year ago moved to where I am from because we mutually wanted to, he's always been mentally unwell but declines help, believes that he's special and to good for anyone, he's impulsive, rude, loud, struggles to keep friendships and family, says bad things and believes it's innocent ect, he's been on medication in the past but stopped when he came out of the depression, other that that no one has properly looked into his mental health because he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him, id say on and off for years. We rent the house both names on the tenancy, 2 children together 4y and 8 months he doesn't work, I do but I'm on maternity leave currently

Reading your update I cannot see how him being with you benefits you or your children in any way. Why are you staying with him?

OP you need to prioritise your wellbeing and that of your children. If your partner is depressed moving will not change things , as the depression is within. Hand hold.