I (f27) had been dating my boyfriend (m30) for 9 months. Two weeks ago we went to his best friends baby shower, in the city that he is from and that I don’t know very well. To give some context, the baby shower made me slightly uncomfortable as about 7 months ago I had an abortion (totally my choice) with said boyfriend as we’d only been together for 1 month. Nonetheless it was a very difficult decision and extremely traumatic, so I had warned him that going to a baby shower so close to what would have been my due date might be difficult for me and that I’d appreciate some support. My relationship with him up until this point had been like a dream and I felt quite smug that I’d found someone I could trust wholeheartedly, who looked after me so much and was like my best friend and soulmate all in one. We spent every day together pretty much from the moment we met.
On the day of the baby shower there was quite a lot of drinking involved and I noticed he was talking a lot to one of his female best friends and not really talking to me at all, despite me asking for more support. Eventually I questioned him on it and on his distance that I’d noticed over the past week and after a lot of him saying he didn’t know what I meant, he blurted out “well I have had feelings for her for years” (relating to his female best friend). He said after his male best friend had been on a date with her, the feelings had come back after he’d buried them for so long. Immediately I told him I was leaving and he let me leave to get a train by myself in a city I wasn’t familiar in, at night, crying. I felt so confused and hurt and betrayed because it was like all of a sudden he’d turned into a completely different person and became very callous and cold.
Since then I’ve been up and down, feeling mostly angry and also very sad and anxious. He has repeatedly kept texting me saying he is really sorry, he doesn’t know what happened, he is getting therapy to figure out why he acts like this, he’d do anything to fix it and he definitely doesn’t have feelings for her, he’s sent me flowers and hand written letters and ive had messages from his mum and best friend telling me that they truly believe he will do anything to make it better but i just don’t know how he would or how i would ever trust him again. I haven’t really responded to any of his messages as I’m still angry and upset. Not to mention my parents and friends would never trust him. The problem is despite how angry and hurt I am about this, I still love him so much and can’t stop thinking about how good the relationship had been up until that particular moment. I have truly never loved someone more or felt more like someone was my soulmate than him, so it terrifies me that this is it.
Im looking for advice, on wether I should give him another chance, wether I should give myself time or wether this is something that can’t be fixed.