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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Staying no contact from abusive ex

5 replies

Ydolffinglas · 10/02/2024 14:02

I left a 3 year abusive relationship last month. He was extremely emotionally abusive by rubbing other women in my face, telling me why other exes are better than me and putting down my achievements whilst accusing me of cheating for not being free to meet and for flirting everytime I spoke to another male. He also would give long periods of silent treatment if I told him to stop. I told him enough and if these continued I would be done. He didn't stop so I left. He said he has trust issues as his ex before me was abusive but a clares law request revealed he has done this to other women (plural) and has a history of harassment and physical violence.

Even after I carried out leaving him he would text me repeatedly so I had to change my number and I've gone a month now but just want tips on how to get myself back together and resist the urge to text. It's not the first time I've tried to leave and he did turn up at my house once driving past it (I never knew until he told me). Its been about 2 weeks since his last attempt so I'm hoping it's done now but he has a history of harassing women for months and one woman foe over a decade.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 10/02/2024 14:19

Well done for leaving and blocking him.

They will say anything to reel you back in. Remember the abusive person is who he really is, the nice side is what he uses to try and make you feel like he's changed.

The fact he has a legal history of this is really worrying OP, please make sure you are safe.

I have been in a similar situation by the way and what I would say to you is they want any response out of you....it doesn't matter what it is so the best thing you can do is completely ghost him.

jeaux90 · 10/02/2024 14:21

Spend time with close friends and family, they will show you what real love and care is. I'm assuming that people know what he was like and are relieved you have left so make sure you get support IRL

OriginalUsername2 · 10/02/2024 14:26

It would start the process all over again.

You need to add something into your life to fill the gap and change your habits.

Time to focus on you!

You can literally change the habit of thinking about him.

When I decided to do this with my ex every time I caught myself thinking about him I mentally said “Nope” and switched to thinking about the happiest thing in my life at that point - my daughter laughing her head off. It works within weeks.

kshaw · 10/02/2024 14:31

Delete his number. Can't text then

Ydolffinglas · 11/02/2024 04:26

I remember his number but am hoping I'll forget it soon with time however it is deleted and he is blocked on everything. I think the silence bothers me because I don't know what he's doing or might plan something if that makes sense. I'm a mum too (not his child) so that worries me. I'm hoping it means he has moved on. I am filling my time with work, friends, hobbies and family it's just hard not to have moments of missi g the him I thought he was and he planted a lot of doubts when I left

OP posts:
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