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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this mad?

7 replies

neededanewname · 22/03/2008 13:55

I've posted this anonymously because I feel a bit daft really.
I'm a single Mum with a 6yr old DD and have only really had one bf since she was born. It ended last year (lasted almost 2 years, didn't live together) and recently I've been thinking that I don't want a bf at all untill she's much older, at least mid-late teens.
The reasons being I feel that as I am a single Mum I owe it to her to give her my all and I really don't want to give her a step-dad or god forbid series of uncles.
I have no babysitter anyway so couldn't really date as such or give a guy my all.
It's started to make sense to me to wait 10 or more years when she's older and I can then give a relationship or even dating what I want to give.
Anyone else feel like this? Does it make sense?

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 22/03/2008 14:48

This reply has been deleted

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LynetteScavo · 22/03/2008 14:56

It sounds perfectly normal to me. If I weren't with DH I wouldn't want to be in another relationship. But then you never know what might come along....

Original poster
neededanewname · 22/03/2008 15:02

That's the thing though, I feel if it came along it wouldn't work because I couldn't give it my all.
I can't go out other than in school hours and I can hardly conduct a normal relationship then.
I'm thinking I should turn anyone down, even if I did meet them so I can have a relationship the way I want to even if I do have to wait a long time.
I guess I want someone to tell me I'm not mad!

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 22/03/2008 15:22

I don't think your mad as long as you follow your own instincts, have faith in yourself and keep your head, eyes and heart open.

I have a 2yrd dd and am single but I am also 41. I also have no babysitters etc and no prospect of meeting anyone as I don't get much chance to go out etc.

However, I am starting to feel open to another relationship and should something present itself then I would hate to think I'd miss an opportunity because of a pact I'd made with myself.

I think you should just keep an open mind and focus on what's right for you and dd right now without projecting 10yrs ahead.

Original poster
neededanewname · 22/03/2008 16:13

There's a bit more to this than I said initially.
My Mum is 84, in perfectly good health, drives, runs her own home with help she pays for because she hates the small jobs (don't we all) and although we're not that close we see each other once a week or so and she tells me constantly how I will be able to move back to where I want to live and buy a house as a cash buyer.
I'm honestly not callous, I want my Mum but I know I have to be realistic. When that happens I want to be single so I can do the best for DD without any influence, and I know that then I can live the life I want to.

Oh god, it's so confusing, I just want to do the best for DD and for me and honour my parents when the worst happens, I'm not sure having a guy around will do that

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 22/03/2008 16:14

Would you be bothered if you never had another relationship again? Ever?

Original poster
neededanewname · 22/03/2008 16:34

Yes, I think so, I mean I like sex and I do get lonely but I want to do what's best for DD and me too.

OP posts:
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