Splitting custody

[bamummy2]

Me and DH have decided to separate, no cheating or wrong doing just different people not working as a couple/family anymore.
He has said he wants 50/50 custody. I’m really struggling with the idea of not having my 3 children for half of the time.
I’m currently a stay at home mum and have been for the last 10 years. My youngest is 3.
How likely is it that custody would be split 50/50? I am 100% up for a custody split but I just feel like it would be a massive shift for everyone if me and the kids were suddenly 50%. Can I fight this? I have no other reason other then I really will struggle without them and them with me, they are close to their dad but I’ve always been their main caregiver. He’s no way provided 50% of their care up until this point.

you need to forget about the fact up to now he’s not done the childcare role. He’s not done that because his role was to earn money, allowing you to stay home. From here on that will change meaning you both need to earn money, and can both care for children.

if his job is flexible and he can demonstrate 50:50is possible he’ll get it. Also, you’ll also need to work and any settlement will ultimately expect you to work full time, even if not immediately but over the years. So you’ll also need to think and juggle this, as will he.

you need to be talking about consistency, which doesn’t mean they stay with you, rather, can they do clubs, hobbies, etc and both parents them so they don’t miss out, can school drop off/pick ups be covered ( using after school etc if needed) can you do parent well, etc
think about what a plan might be, realising as they grow up it might change

Theoretically no reason not to do 50/50- you will be expected to get a job, and if he is saying he can accomodate care for the kids on his week, and there are no concerns regarding him being unsafe, then yes he probably will. Many kids have to use wrap around care- that alone wouldn't be a reason to not have it.

I do 50/50 with my ex but it's true 50/50.
DS has a full set up at both houses, we do the swap over at school so ex has him Mon, Tues, drops him at schools Weds, then I have him Weds, Thurs and we do alternate weekends.
There is no swapping bags or ferrying stuff from one house to the other, we barely see each other.
I did all nursery admin when DS was smaller and so ex now does all school admin (choosing his lunch, organising milk etc).
If the kids are in nursery you can claim UC as a single parent and get 85% of their childcare paid. You also get a personal allowance and an allowance for the children. If you will need to rent they will pay towards that too. I live alone and when DS was in nursery I was earning 38k a year and still getting some money for nursery fees.

Your ex will probably get 50/50 and courts won't care if it means wraparound care etc. The best way I found to deal with this was to forget about his arrangements on his days- his contact time his problem to sort childcare.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, all I can say is that 3 years down the line I now enjoy my free time while DS is at his dad's and whilst this isn't what I imagined for my son it is what it is and ex has every right to 50 percent of his time as a father.

As a father who went through this last year, if he wants to have active involvement and share the load with the kids upbringing splitting 50/50 then good for him. "as a stay at home mum" I think you sound a bit scared about what you will end up doing the times you don't have the kids.

Oh and as for those saying "it's mum that does most of the work" no. Most definitely not in my case, I'm doing majority of the work, majority of the organising, making sure they have clean clothes constantly, keeping on top of school work and homework, reading with them and spending fun times together when not in school etc.