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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave him?

10 replies

Amimakingamistake · 10/02/2024 00:12

Married, no kids, together over a decade.

positives: does his fair share around the house, contributes a lot to bills (he earns a lot more) and is smart and not lazy. He has no annoying habits.

Negatives: I am not a priority, his job comes first, then his football team. I have seen him half a day in 3 weeks. I previously considered separating when I was on a long garden leave and he didn’t think of spending a single day with me. Last year I said I was unhappy and asked for counselling, he said no and that I should ‘give my head a wobble’. He knows I need some kissing / cuddling but does not give it to me (outside of sex). I told him I loved him but wasn’t in love with him and he finally agreed to online counselling but spent the session on his phone. He has since said I need to change my perspective to appreciate all he does around the house vs him changing as I’m lucky because ‘most guys expect to just relax at weekends or go down the pub’. He also has periodic anger issues but has never hit me.

i have a full time job and am not financially dependent on him. I don’t want to quit a marriage but I find it difficult to stay when I feel this way. What would you do?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 10/02/2024 00:15

Leave. He sounds like an arse and it doesn't sound like a nice or fulfilling relationship. You've no kids and financially fine so really no reason to try and force something that isn't right.

Newname01 · 10/02/2024 00:39

Yes leave, before another decade rolls by and not a thing has changed.

MissRheingold · 10/02/2024 00:42

You're a partner of sorts. Running and managing a house together and the occasional shag.

That's not very fulfilling and I'm surprised you've put up with it for ten years!

Get shot of him and find someone with a bit of passion and who wants to do things with you.

Seaoftroubles · 10/02/2024 00:45

Definitely leave. You are not his priority and he sounds dismissive and disrespectful towards you. You've tried but he isn't going to change.Don't waste any more time on him.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2024 00:50

Of course you need to leave him. As soon as humanly possible because life is really fucking short. You are barely an afterthought to this man and he proves it over and over again.

Leave this weekend if you can. Go somewhere to decompress and think. Your marriage is not one worth saving.

Mainats · 10/02/2024 06:48

He's absolutely dreadful. Why on earth would you stay, given you have no childrren?

Newnamehiwhodis · 10/02/2024 06:52

If you’re not happy, leave. You don’t have to have a whole list of reasons. The reasons on the “good” side are bare minimum human things, aren’t they. It’s not much.
that he didn’t try counseling and speaks to you dismissively makes things very clear, doesn’t it?
you’ve been telling him what you need. Has he listened?
He had a chance to listen and work with you.
at some point, it’s time to just leave.

Amimakingamistake · 10/02/2024 08:49

I want to thank everyone who responded. Every single post really hit home for me. Deep down I knew what I needed to do, just for me it takes a bit of courage to do it and I think your words have helped me get it.

OP posts:
Mrsgreen100 · 10/02/2024 08:53

End it and live your life

LadyLolaRuben · 10/02/2024 08:57

Life is too short for this. There's more to life. Leave him. Hes had enough warnings

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