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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Narc ex Co parent

1 reply

Feelingbad23 · 09/02/2024 22:13

Looking for anyone who has been in this situation. Extremely high conflict co parent who shows many narcacist traits who has alcahol and weed dependency. Have young kids together. Finding it very difficult to navigate co parenting. He is extremely unpredictable ok one day a maniac the next and an irresponsible. I am constantly having to address ridiculous behaviours when he is in charge of the children. We have been split a year. He still thinks I want to reconcile and that he can pick up and drop off kids when it suits him and that I will always be at his beck and call with no life of my own which he has called me names for. Example boring b, sad b* etc . I have been civil and always put the kids best interests first. I do everything for the kids. He is verbally abusive and sends me horrible abusive messages when I try to make/confirm plans about the kids. Does it get easier as kids get older. I'm so sick of being verbally abused when he doesnt get his own way. Currently awaiting court. Do I get a protection order? Please someone who has been in this situation help 🙏

OP posts:
TitaniumTess · 10/02/2024 19:36

I've been in this position.

My ex has been a nightmare. At handovers, he did one of 3 things.....told me that he loved me and wanted to get back together again.....or shouted at me and told me how terrible I was....or ignored me completely. I never knew which was coming. He didn't mind that our child and the neighbours' children were watching and it often lasted 20 minutes. His behaviour has never improved.

The police had already told me to get CCTV. That didn't stop him. I blocked him on WhatsApp so that he could only text. He was still an idiot on texts. We have been through family court which was a shocking experience.

We now communicate through a parenting app which has made him behave much better. Most importantly, it means I can read the messages when I choose to and he can't deliberately spoil my sleep by messaging late at night.

Someone on Mumsnet also suggested that I watch videos on YouTube about Transactional Analysis. Your ex is probably trying to be in control as a parent or stropping like a child if he is anything like mine. I just keep messaging as an adult.

I've also read about BIFF comms:- brief, informative, factual, friendly.

Hope this helps. Xxx

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