It's over this time and I'm feeling completely numb

[Bighamster]

Hi MN
I've been in a relationship with my partner for about 2 years, not living together but spending as much time together as we can.
He's been everything I've never had. Funny, loyal, open, generous, loving & reliable. Great with my kids, has no kids himself.
Towards the end of last year I saw a shift in how he was behaving. We argued more & I felt a bit of a disconnection, noticed things like he's suddenly unable to apologise properly (uses 'if' I upset you, sorry 'but'... & at times, started to get very angry & shouty if I challenged him on something (eg calm chat about his response to something, seemed like he was unable to listen to view points of others, slightly arrogant, stroppy, started walking out a lot when we argued.
He's always been is very guarded with his phone, I asked him about that ages ago & he started leaving it around for short periods of time but is always very jumpy if I ask to use it quickly to google something, & feels like he won't let me out of his site if I am using it.
Recently the more guarded has started up again & I feel like he's been winding me up intentionally to get a reaction. He knows my triggers, knows how to make me get frustrated. We argue most weekends since December & since last weekend things have felt so strange, so I've mostly left him alone. Today we had another big row on the phone & mid-argument he said 'fuck this, I can't do this anymore' & told me to 'have a nice life' .... then hung up,
Not sure why I'm posting really. A hand hold? Are these examples of his behaviour red flags to you? They are to me, & my gut has been screaming at me that something's up, but he's just been so unwilling to talk about anything. I feel like he wanted to end it & he's been looking for a reaction for a while, so that he can blame me. All feels very strange, & my head's utterly frazzled.

I’m sorry op. Sounds like he’s been unhappy , which I assume you were too, no one likes constant arguing, but it does sound like it’s over.

are you insinuating you think he’s met someone else with the phone thing?

I’ve been with my partner/husband for 20 years and have never felt the need to use his phone for a quick google or whatever(and vice versa) - so that comes across as a bit controlling on your part OP.

@Janetime yep both unhappy, communication so good in the past, but so not good now.
I'm trying to think what's changed, I have wondered if he's met someone else a few times, there's been such a disconnect.

Trust your gut

He’s hiding something. This is not how a safe partner behaves, and this isn’t a healthy relationship. I know it hurts now but in time you’ll realise you’re better off out of it.

Thank you @DrunkenElephant that's exactly my thoughts. Have been feeling so unsettled by his actions & behaviour. Hard to pinpoint what's been going on but my gut/spidey senses are positively on fire.

Maybe he’s feeling stifled ? You wanting to use his phone seems odd! I really don’t like anyone using my phone and I’ve nothing to hide. Very, very rarely would DH or I look to use one another’s phones.

If you’re arguing less than too years into a relationship, then there’s no future in it.

My husband and I use each others phones all the time, e.g. mine is upstairs on charge and we are both downstairs in the kitchen and I need to look up a recipe. I don't think it was weird that you asked to use his phone at all.

I do think he either has lost feelings for you tho or has met someone else 😢

OP, at times, posting, and getting off your chest in an environment helps.
I hope you the best outcomes for the ebst future.

Good luck

I had this exact same scenario. I'm certain there was someone else now. I didn't want to believe it at the time but looking back it makes perfect sense.

Phone never out of his sight, always on silent, turned screen down or in flight mode. Always busy with something and lots of friends I only ever heard of once. We didn't live together but it was noticeable.

Towards the end, seemed like he was always on edge waiting to find fault with me / the relationship or love bombing the shit out of me when it was needed.

Sorry you're going through this. You dont need this in your life.

@OneMoreCookieMonster
All of this
Really appreciate your words
And the lovebombing whenever I questioned the relationship shifting & his unusual behaviour