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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH threw something at the floor which hit me

18 replies

D3LAN3Y · 09/02/2024 21:27

The title sounds a lot worse than it is but I'm still angry and upset and it's the first time DH has reacted this way. I was starting to get stuff cleared away after we had came home from being out for our tea. I was moving things off the bed when I was telling him that a spray bottle of cleaner had been leaking in our bedroom. I was annoyed (because as always I'm tidying up and hes sitting on his arse) and continued to tell him that I thought it may have been his fault when he got up for work this morning as he was over by our drawers getting ready. He then got up and threw the cleaning spray off the floor while shouting it was always going to be his fault which then hit my feet/legs and splashed all up the drawers. He's now gone down stairs and is ignoring me and our children while sat happily scrolling tik tok and playing his star wars game which he's quite high up on. He won't back down until I apologise. We are supposed to be meeting with his family tomorrow for his siblings birthday which I got Birthday cards and presents for. I can't be bothered anymore.

Should I say sorry? It's going to create an atmosphere for the kids. Tomorrow will be awful otherwise. I shouldn't have blamed him if I'm honest but I'm so frustrated. It's very unlikely to have been my teenager or 8 year old as they've been at school.

OP posts:
GreyBlackLove · 09/02/2024 21:34

When you say it's the first time,do you also mean the angry response to criticism, ignoring you til you apologise and creating an atmosphere until then? Or just the physical aspect?

D3LAN3Y · 09/02/2024 21:36

The physical aspect is the first time.
The angry response to criticism is normal. Ignoring me until I apologise is also normal but something I thought he was working on through communicating his emotions with. He struggles with this.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 09/02/2024 21:39

I would be absolutely enraged that he threw something in your direction. Whether or not he meant to hit you he was reckless as to the outcome. Sounds like a pattern of you doing the grunt work too, which is bound to make you resentful.

Growuppeople · 09/02/2024 21:40

🙄

CharmedCult · 09/02/2024 21:40

Not sure how you concluded that it was his fault that a spray bottle was leaking, he was totally in the wrong to throw it at the floor.

Now he’s sulking and you can’t be arsed with his family tomorrow.

What a lovely atmosphere for your kids to live in.

Sounds pretty shit all round really.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/02/2024 21:41

Did he clean up the splashed fluid or was that your job as well?

Throwing things like that is a form of domestic abuse. So is the silent treatment. You can decide to apologise but what that means is that you are papering over abusive behaviour. And either you do everything he wants forever, or he will continue and get worse.

And stop doing his shitwork for him. He wants presents and cards bought, he buys them.

GreyBlackLove · 09/02/2024 21:43

To be honest @D3LAN3Y this sounds like emotional abuse and manipulation that is escalating into something more physical.

It's one thing to take space after an argument, and another to use silence to manipulate you.

I take it he doesn't get angry, chuck things and then ignore his friends or workmates?

Lots of red flags OP.

lalalala2 · 09/02/2024 21:44

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lalalala2 · 09/02/2024 21:44

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CwmYoy · 09/02/2024 21:50

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No it isn't

CantFindTheBeat · 09/02/2024 21:53

More info needed.

You've said it's the first time your husband has reacted this way.

The history and context is important.

What would you like or need from this, OP, and what further info can you share?

Theunamedcat · 09/02/2024 21:56

CwmYoy · 09/02/2024 21:50

No it isn't

Is here

Lookingforunicorns · 09/02/2024 22:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/02/2024 23:02

Do not apologise, he threw something knowing full well it was close enough to hit you. Whatever you did, that’s not ok.

Please consider whether this relationship is healthy for you and your kids? He sounds like an extra child. The silent treatment is emotional abuse too. Won’t be long until he acts that way with your children too and how damaging will that be for them. He needs his own therapy and fast, if he won’t go then I would seriously look to end things.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/02/2024 23:03

My mum’s ex threw a cup at the wall behind my mum’s head once. It shattered all over her. I was 12 or 13? Still remember it clear as day. One of my worst memories.

Fraaahnces · 18/03/2024 00:57

Return the presents and let him deal with that shit. Don’t go. You can even tell them why via text. Don’t cover for him at all. Aggressive son of a bitch.

Maray1967 · 18/03/2024 06:58

Fraaahnces · 18/03/2024 00:57

Return the presents and let him deal with that shit. Don’t go. You can even tell them why via text. Don’t cover for him at all. Aggressive son of a bitch.

This is exactly what I would do - I would respond very firmly. He’d have had the bollocking of a lifetime from me by now.

hopscotcher · 18/03/2024 07:16

I wouldn't apologise on demand, even if I felt a bit in the wrong.

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