Heartbroken

[Championfancy]

Hi all. I just wanted to post because I’m desperate really. I’m a really private person, my friends know about this situation but I don’t feel I can share how deep this goes with anyone, but the anonymity of this forum helps me feel better.

6 years ago I met a man. It really was love at first sight for me. We started exchanging contacts and slowly we grew closer but due to one thing and another over the past few years we’ve never been able to commit or one of us has been dating and we left off all contact etc. he waited for a long time while I was in a relationship and then I wasn’t ready to commit

however we have always come Back to talking. He’s recently in a relationship and I’m single and we’ve talked over message but all above board. He’ll send me songs he thinks I’ll like, we ask each other for advice on things but it’s never sexual

today I had to drop some paperwork to him (we have a working connection coming to a close) and it’s been the first time I’ve seen him in a year or so. We passed the time of day and exchanged what we needed to and parted ways.

I left feeling totally heartbroken. I love him, I’ve always loved him and I wish I had just found the bravery to tell him properly face to face how I feel. I know that’s wrong but I still feel it.

Im quite sure you will all tell me how much of a selfish tart I am, but I’m hoping someone may be able to shed some pearls of wisdom or hope maybe.

I think this is a really simple open and shut case when you strip it right back.

He wanted something with you, you said no.

He now has a new partner, and you’ve decided you want him.

No.

To be completely honest, even if you reached out to him now and said you want him, would you REALLY want him if he’s the kind of man that would entertain that & then leave his current partner for you? Because I can tell you exactly what will happen there, you’ll be back posting here in a couple years time about what a horrible cheat he is when you find out he’s met up with someone else behind your back and is leaving you.

You had your chance and you didn’t want it. There’s now another woman in his life who decided to take her chance. Back off, cut contact with this person and just move on, even if “moving on” means being single and focusing on yourself for awhile.

@Championfancy

How long has he been with his girlfriend?

I don't think not wanting to commit early in, not long after your relationship broke down, especially when you have kids, was wrong-so that's a chunk of the 6 years isn't it.

i agree (broadly speaking) that you regret the things you didn't do, NOT the things you did do

i think you need to have a proper chat with him. Be honest about how you feel & what you want. Hopefully he feels the same & it's all good. But even if he doesn't say he feels the same, although it will hurt, at least you'll know either way & you can move forward, this 'not knowing' is not good for you.

the wise thing to do, if he says he doesn't feel the same or if he says he's with x at the moment' is to tell him you don't want to hear from him again & properly put him behind you and move in.

your mindset re dating other men will change when you've not got him half in.

these things hurt don't they! 🤗

If you haven’t got to see him on a daily basis ie at work just text him and tell him you love him. See what happens. You could be surprised. Good luck ❤️

I think it's worth putting the ball in his court. There is a chance he has hidden feelings for you but has settled for second best with new girlfriend because you previously rejected him. If she is second best, then long term she deserves to find someone who sees her as his absolute number one. Of course there is a chance he doesn't have those hidden feelings for you, but don't be scared to find out. Then you can know your truth and allow yourself to move on one way or another. Otherwise you will be stuck in this mindset, always wondering, and never moving on.

So you have been sexually intimate for 6 years on and off, it sounds like he's had ample oportunities to tell you that he loves you and wants to be with you.

I agree though, you should ask him to gain some kind of closure, it's only fair if you are harbouring feelings of one day being together and he is not.

That would feel like you are being used for one reason and he's actually not the nice guy you thought he was.

Would you not like to be someone's primary partner without any doubts that the man adores you, wants to be in your company and spend the rest of his days with you.

I’m a bit surprised by all the ‘go for it , good
luck ‘ replies .
He’s got a girlfriend
Are we really so low bar these days that we totally disregard that . Not nice for the girlfriend and wouldn’t show him in a great light.

I am surprised too if I’m honest.

I'm not suprised really, half the women on this site will think right I'll wait for the sidepiece to contact my husband/partner and the rest are thinking ask and you might not get the answer you like. Women are brutal like that.

It doesn't matter, you are hurting, heartbreak is heartbreaking and the only way to end this pain is to know the truth, you obviously need more than these sexual hook ups, you want a relationship with respect and you deserve that but it may have to be with someone else.

It's time to be brave and put this to bed, find your answers and then live again, properly without regrets and remorse, don't waste your life on someone who does not care, there's so many men out there one who will treat you with the kindness you need to get over this affair.

I'm getting "My Best Friend's wedding" vibes here. Kindly, is it possible that your feelings are situational OP? You weren't bothered about him when you were with someone else, are you just feeling lonely? If someone else came along would you care as much?

Honestly even when I think of someone else I can’t, but there ISNT anyone else so I can’t answer that totally truthfully if I’m honest.

maybe I just need to leave it alone for longer and I’ll get over it