Help - split with boyfriend but holiday in 2 weeks

[HolidayDilemma5]

I and my boyfriend have just split up, we’re not on good terms and generally he is trying to be as awkward as possible so sorting this out isn’t going to be easy.

We have a long-haul holiday currently booked for under 2 weeks time, he booked the flights, including himself, me and DD, I then transferred £700 to cover my half as we agreed. Ofc the booking is now in his name, I’ve been asking for the past week to send across the flight details to which he made very difficult - he’s only now sent them across.

I’m at a loss on what to do - the airline charge £160pp to change dates. He’s refusing to do this as he doesn’t feel he should lose any money. He also wants half his money back for which he contributed towards DD’s tickets - I’ve agreed to pay this back. It is going to be very difficult for me to change flight days, not only the cost but I’m also limited for when I can take time off work.

I suggested we still fly out together (we haven’t booked seats yet) then go our separate ways but he’s point blank refusing, he claims it isn’t fair on DD, which I do understand - it would be confusing for her and they had built up a very strong relationship.

The tickets were booked non-refundable. Neither the airline or Mytrip will offer a voucher, the only option is to cancel and lose all the money or rebook the flights. For me and DD alone this would set me back around £500 with the admin fees and what I now owe to ex for DD’s ticket. My accommodation will also be double the price as ex won’t be contributing his half, so all in I’m going to be set back a fair bit. Luckily no hotels have been booked as yet.

He said if i don’t change dates, he will cancel the trip altogether - I don’t think I have a leg to stand on with the booking being in his name. My other worry is that I will change dates, pay the fees, and he may then cancel the flights at that point just out of spite to make me lose more money. As said, he’s trying to be as unreasonable as he possibly can.

Does anyone have any advice - what would you do?

OP I know this is tough to swallow but I think you need to walk away and lose the money. Anything else will just elongate the pain of the breakup and take up your valuable headspace. Its crap I know.

You just need to write this one off I think. Sadly with the end of relationships come losses.
Its not fair for either of you to still go on the holiday on your own without the other I think. I think changing the date is making it very complicated and it's a bit unfair to make him go on his own at a separate time to when you go with dd. You can have a nice time with dd and he does what with his one? Sits by himself in a resort for 2 weeks? I can see how that would be depressing as fuck if you've just ended your relationship and he's probably not into the idea.

If you still want to go without him I think you should pay him for the whole lot including his half and he stays home, but that would make you out of pocket more than cancelling. Alternatively you should consider this holiday as just a write off.

I know it seems like a lot of money but it's just part and parcel of breakups sometimes that you just need to cut your losses and start afresh once you are on your own.

Darling, I'm not judging you in any way. Put please don't let your DD 'build up a strong relationship' with a boyfriend again.
If this man ever cared for you and your DD, he would give you the holiday and walk away from the relationship with good grace.
His behaviour now is cruel, messing with your head and wearing you down. I bet you won't see the last of him either.

He’s made it very clear he’s happy to go alone and travel about, I’m also very happy to travel alone with DD - she’s been very excited for the holiday. I do equally understand that either situation is not ideal for either of us.

It’s frustrating because there’s a few dates close to our original date which he could change to (he’s self employed so much more flexible) - he could then use the money I’m refunding for Dd’s ticket to cover the admin cost completely, or I would be happy to pay towards. It’s just he is being unreasonable, being nasty and shouting at me whilst I’m trying to come to a mutual agreement.

You're trying to fit two things together that just aren't going to fit.
You've broken up. It's a fresh break-up, so odds are nobody's going to be reasonable.

And now, rather than just going your separate ways and doing your own healing, you're going back and forth over travel plans and money and ticket fees. You're giving yourself so much unnecessary stress to try and make this trip happen. The loss of money really isn't worth the hassle.

Cut as much communication as possible and accept the loss on the trip. Give your daughter a hug and tell her you'll start saving for a new trip asap, as soon as things have settled down and you've processed this break-up.

Assuming you can now afford the trip without his support on hotel costs etc, I would tell him he could sing for DD's airfare unless he allows you to get on the plane as originally booked. Otherwise you will have to pull out of the trip, write off the cost and he can sue you for it.
Tell him he has the weekend to decide, to check you in and send you your boarding passes, or you will cancel your leave on Monday with work.

So you’ve booked flights but no accommodation yet?

cut your losses, his “bond” with your daughter can’t be as great as what you think it is if he can treat you the way he is over a holiday for you all

I’d just tell him that you either all use the flights as arranged, sit separately and go separate ways on arrival and you’ll pay him back your daughters airfare.

or he cancels the flights and you both lose all of the money and you don’t pay him back your daughters airfare.

the choice is his.

Write it off as a sunk cost. Then be glad you don't have to try and be on holiday together, it would be awful. AWFUL! But make sure you and your DD get some sort of holiday together instead, just you two girls.

I wouldn’t go and would take the loss, the fact that you are having to make contact with him over the holiday is prolonging the break up!

Can you claim on your insurance for the break up and subsequent cancellation?
I've no idea if it covers this kind of thing but it could be worth checking?

Sorry but id have to agree with PPs. Cut your losses and get this a**hole out of yours and DDs life. He clearly didnt care that much about either of you to treat you both like this over a holiday. Let him have the flights, but DO NOT give him another penny for your DDs share. Hes the one being unreasonable and leaving you out of pocket so he absolutely shouldnt get anything else from you. Sorry its a rubbish situation but id have to walk away now and if he wants the money that bad let him sue you!

I would cut your loses but refuse to pay the other half of DD ticket - that's the price he needs to pay to still go alone.

You could probably get a cheap little package holiday for just the two of you for less than it would cost to change dates and then your hotel

If all you have booked is three flights, I would let it go. You can save up and take DD on a different holiday later in the year, even if you just go short haul she'll have a much better time just the two of you. It's not going to be a nice atmosphere for DD if the three of you go together nor will it be nice for her if she was looking forward to going with ex DP and he's no longer going to be there. DD will need time to come to terms with the break up too.

Pay the £160 to change your dates. Better that then lose out altogether.

If he's refusing to let you change the dates then he doesn't get another penny towards your DDs seat.

Don't give him any money on the promise he's going to sort it, he's likely to change his mind once he's got the money.

I'd agree with the previous posters, unfortunately I'd write it off and block him.