Hello, I’m going to try and keep this really short,
I feel so silly writing this but I’m struggling and I’ve been in a really dark place lately, long story short, I’m struggling with my ex leaving 8 years ago, we met when I was 23, I was a student and he had odd jobs he was 25, we will call him partner A, so partner A told me he was bipolar on our 2nd date and the relationship was so rocky, he wasn’t medicated and would self medicate with drinks and drugs. I would almost pay for everything because he would just blow his money, I think he was defo manic the time we met, it really was a rollercoaster of a relationship. We broke up a couple times, we broke up for a month in August of 2016 and he came back a month later. We started speaking again but he did tell me he didn’t see a future, he was unstable and i shouldn’t be someone like him and he last spoke to me in October 2016 i was heartbroken cos for whatever reason i was so attached to him and I cared deeply about him. I don’t think i ever really got over it.
fast forward 2020 i met partner B, he was a greta person, he had been in the army years before and had struggle to find what he really wanted to do jobwise so he was up and down too. We had a good relationship but things started to go wrong a couple years down the line, he started drinking way too much, he was depressed about losing people do death and etc, so with the drinking came the arguments,(I’m not a angel it all wasn’t just him) not going to work, loosing jobs and would because verbally abuse, to the point where I had to call the police a couple times, (he lived with me) so November I said he needed to go and sort himself out, so he went back to his parents up North. We still speak as I still love him and want him to be the Person I first met. In all this time I never thought of partner A but when I was first with partner B, I would compare him to partner A which wasn’t nice.
so anyways a couple weeks ago I decided to see if partner A was on instagram, this was so random, I don’t know why I thought of him, so anyways he’s on instagram and he looks different , he’s been going to the gym and he looks well, after seeing he’s pictures I instantly got upset, crying etc and thought why did he leave me, he seems to have changed and he’s probably a different person and treating women probably better than he treated me etc, it sounds silly but that’s how I felt. I don’t know why I was upset seeing him, and I know pictures on social media means nothing. I just don’t understand why 8 years later I was upset again over someone who didn’t want me and never spoke to me again