My parents and alcohol

[Mumandkids]

Hello.I need you guys to tell me what's wrong with my family.For context I'm 37 not from England, I have two kids and a great husband.Live is good and couldn't be any better.However I don't get on well with my parents.My mum is a very negative person and my dad is an alcoholic with MH problems.My parents have never seen my children months of discussing and planning we have agreed to fly out for Christmas and NY.The trip wasn't cheap and we had too put neary enough on CR(I'm not maternity leave).When we got to my parents it was pretty obvious my mum has been hiding the extent of my dad's drinking.Chritmas was ruined by his terrible behaviour,secred drinking ans verbally abusing my mum.The situation was so toxic the arguments started happening between me and my husband.That was the first and the last time we went.He got so low he got the shakes and started drinking our NYE leftovers.My point is that my mother keeps insisting on being with him even when he verbally abuses her and keeps making for him.On top of that she wants us to have a relationship with him.My both brothers don't want anything to do with him and I have blocked his number and I live abroad.If my mother divorced him things in our family would have been so much better but she doesn't want to.She comes from a abusive and home herself.Her dad abused alcohol too and was violent.Her excuse is not being able to make friends and being lonely.What do I do in this situation?Because I feel I should dump my mother too.

This sounds really sad 😔

You have to do what you need for you. If you can't carry on talking on the phone because it's too upsetting she won't divorce him then go no contact or lower contact. Unfortunately she probably won't leave.

Your description of Xmas\NY sounds very much like my last Xmas with my alcoholic ex husband. They don’t realise the chaos they wreak on everyone or if they do they don’t care.
Are there any organisations like Al-Anon in your mum’s country? https://al-anonuk.org.uk/. Sometimes when you get an outside perspective you see alcoholism for what it is. I imagine your mother is just treading water —- keeping the household going, paying bills, keeping your father quiet even if drunk so the neighbours don’t hear etc…
Look after yourself first. Offer suggestions of help to your mother.
Remember the 3 Cs
You didn’t cause this
You can’t control it
You can’t cure it.