Partner falls asleep every evening

[lonelyo]

Is it normal for your DH to fall asleep every bloody evening from about 8pm?
I sit beside him, so bored and lonely while he snores away. We have no chat and feels like we've lost any connection other than raising 2 kids under the same roof.

I go off to bed about 10pm, he wakes a bit grumpy and then comes to do teeth etc and gets into bed. Doesnt even bother saying goodnight half the time! Feel a bit crap about it all.

I remember my dad used to fall asleep in the evening on the sofa, he had a hard physical job. I get that life is busy and tiring but just a little bit of time for me would be nice?!

No, it’s not normal. Does he drink alcohol every night, or snore?

It isn't normal. My husband has a hard physical job and is not far off retirement. He does get tired now and occasionally nods off before we would normally go to bed, but not two hours before!

Does your husband have an underlying illness?

Really , I think it is quite normal. I'm ready for bed by 8.30 most nights.

It's easy to get into a rut when you're working and raising a family.

You say you're sat beside him - bored. What would you rather be doing?

I suppose it depends what age he is, what work he does, what time he gets up in the morning...

Is he any better on the weekend? And do you work too? If not there can be an imbalance in energy by the end of the day.

I sympathise OP, it does do my head in when DP falls asleep on the sofa, especially when he's the one insisting on putting a program on to watch together and then falls asleep 10 mins in so I'm sat watching it alone.

Every night is a bit odd though unless he's getting up mega early, seems like it's become a real habit for your DH and his body has got used to falling asleep at that time.

Could you not wake him up? Or chat to him a bit so he stays awake?

Mine does this most nights. He has to get up super early for work though so that’s why. I just put a programme on the tv that I want to watch and he wouldn’t be interested in.

He doesn't drink alcohol but does snore a lot! I think a lot of it is habit now.

Yes we put something on to watch and he's asleep within 20 minutes and I end up watching it alone or giving up.

He does wake earlier than me for work, but even on days off he's the same-making me think it's habit. I don't know how to keep him engaged and awake without forcing him to be conscious 😂. Other than the obvious activity!

I think I need to start thinking more of what I'd like to watch like you say! Glad it's not just me. Feel a bit insulted in a way, like I'm boring company or he's not interested in me 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think it's normal but DP is up at 4:30am so can understand why he's so tired. Just means I get to watch what I want on the tv in peace so winner winner!

Is he overweight?

snoring really is a bad sign health wise, he’s probably suffocating in his sleep and never truly getting any rest. I’d be pushing for weight loss/doctors appointment.

If anything underweight and I think he could do with putting some on! Maybe I'll suggest a doctors visit... it does seem like he needs a lot more sleep these days.
Thanks for suggestions everyone 🥰

Mine does this too. It's not every night though. He does get up at least an hour earlier than me though most days. I have to admit I can be guilty of it too. Can be work days or the weekend. Our jobs are both stressful and we both work long hours.

I usually nudge him and send him to bed and he does the same with me. He's lucky if I say good night when I'm sent to bed. Other nights we go to bed at different times when both still awake or go to bed together.

We have shows we watch together and then things we watch separate. I actually enjoy my nights with the tv to myself.

What's each of your days like? Does he get up super early, does he do a manual job? Is his work stressful. Does he sleep well over night? Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

I'd be worried about him. If he's sleeping from 8pm and then all night long. How much sleep is he having in total? It doesn't sound much fun for him as well as not much fun for you

Great that this thin non drinker has been amateur diagnosed as an overweight daily drinker. Absolutely textbook.

OP - this clearly isn't ideal. Talk to him if you can and in the first instance look at general healthy habits around sleep routine, diet and exercise. Fitter, well nourished people generally have more stamina and are less likely to conk out every night.

G'luck.

You should get into bed to watch your shows and you can cuddle while he falls asleep

Snorning a lot and needing lots of sleep sounds like possible sleep apnea. I used to sleep half the evening until I got treated. Different person now!

This was me for years. Numerous health issues diagnosed. Now I can stay awake 3-4 nights a week but my OH accepts that I just need more sleep than him.

I was also going to suggest that the snoring could mean sleep apnea. Worth a check.

Sympathies, OP. My DH falls asleep most evenings. If I suggest he goes to bed he denies he was asleep (even if I've videod him snoring). He won't sit up, stay awake and interact either. It really annoys me in a way him going for an early night wouldn't. I hear you on feeling insulted, and I feel intruded on too.

I go through phases of it if I haven't been particularly active. Gets to around 7 or 8pm and I can doze off for an hour or two.

I found going for a run early evening would help with tiredness and kicking the habit of having a sleep.

My husband did this all the time even during the day too. And the snoring was horrendous. I sent him to the doctors and turns out he's got sleep apnea.

DH and I both used to be a bit guilty of this. Then the tv broke and we didn’t have the money to replace it immediately. Started doing other stuff instead and managed to both stay awake until bedtime. Board games, (quiet) house projects, bat/hedgehog spotting in the evening, learning a language together, crafts with the radio or audiobook on. Sometimes we even have a chat and a drink. Years later we have a tv again, but try to have an evening before we watch a quick 30mins of something before bed to wind down. Television is such a soporific.

Similar here, I am fine doing anything else, but if I sit down and put the TV on I'll start dropping off around 8-8.30pm too. Unless it's absolutely gripping! So does DP.

Nowadays we only put it on a couple of times a week when we fully intend to fall asleep, usually in bed as a pp suggested.