DH stopped initiating sex because I’m pregnant

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Not sure what to do or if I’m being silly….I’m in the first trimester and not even showing yet, apart from being a bit bloated, but since I’m pregnant, DH stopped initiating sex. I talked to him about it and he said that I have so much to deal with right now (I have mild sickness and occasionally cramping, but all in all I’m ok) and he feels it’s not the time for sex and he doesn’t want to put an additional pressure on me. I said that it’s not pressure and that I don’t feel our sex life needs to stop just because of pregnancy. He then said that I’m free to tell him/initiate whenever I want sex and he will do it, but he wouldn’t initiate and for him it doesn’t matter whether or not we have sex.

For context, he usually has a higher sex drive than me, we used to have sex 1-2 a week, but he’d been happy with 3 times a week. Still a lot of hugs and he’s over the moon about the pregnancy, he’s dreaming of becoming a dad and being a little family.

Shall I just let go of sex for the time being, or initiate myself every time I’m up for it? I initiated the last 2 (only 2) times we had sex since I’m pregnant, but it doesn’t feel right to me that I’m the one initiating all the time. I want to feel that he still wants me too, and not feel like he’s doing me a favour by having sex with me.

Keep iniating it if you want sex? You’re overthinking things. If you want some… go get some… Men are not educated too much about female needs during pregnancy. You will have to lead him.

Gosh you're overthinking. He's being respectful, it's all totally unknown for him. Initiate sex if you want it. I've never understood the whole initiating it thing though, it's always mutual for us.

He's allowed not to want to have sex. He might feel that it could be dangerous for the baby. He may think it should be up to you to decide and I think that's OK...

Can you show him facts about sex being safe for you and the baby? Maybe he just feels a bit ick about his penis being near his dc. Men have weird notions ime!! Or try other ways to be intimate until he feels more assured...

Yes, I appreciate that I’m overthinking. It’s just that I struggle a bit with my confidence since getting pregnant because I’ve already put some weight on, I’m bloated and hugging the toilet far too often. Him stopping initiating sex kind of feeds into my insecurities, I think…but I take the advice on board and try not to overthink!

He sounds like he’s being very respectful and careful of you and the pregnancy.
He may be anxious about causing damage to you or the baby. This is irrational perhaps but you may have to respect that. The first trimester is the most common time for miscarriages she may be worrying about this.
I’d wait to have your first scan. The reassurance of this may help.
But in the meantime you can always initiate it if you want it.!

I see where you are coming from and I was as horny as hell in second trimester. Some men get a bit scared that they may harm the baby but hopefully after a few times it will put his mind at ease. I would feel the same as you as it’s a time when you are making a big commitment as a couple then you start to worry if he still finds you attractive ect and sex sometimes feeds into this. It’s good you’ve already had the conversation with him and he seems open to sex … but I feel you’d probably like him to initiate too .. because you want to feel wanted and desired and that’s completely ok and a normal feeling.

”it doesn’t feel right to me that I’m the one initiating all the time. I want to feel that he still wants me too”

Maybe he also feels this way sometimes if he is the one to always initiate sex. If you want it initiate sex. He sounds like he’s being sensitive to you knowing you’ve had sickness and cramps.

I would say he is trying to be considerate. Not initiating does not necessarily mean he doesn't want u- he might be wortied about hurting u or the baby. My previous partner was always the one to initiate things in his marriage. Loved it when I did.

OP, I an in exactly the same situation as you!! I m in third trimester, since year 2024 no SEX!!! Both of us know having sex during preg won’t harm the baby. In the beginning I was upset.

i did post the same issue in SEX forum and got suggestion to wear sth sexy to visually stimulate him. I tried, he was happy but still no SEX. I gave up now and just focus on my well being , making sure baby is healthy. He simply care the baby , which I think same mindset of your DH. I respect that. It will be good if both of you work out but if no sex I would suggest embrace it , if you two no problem in sex life perhaps it’s ok to wait till after preg when his mindset is ready.

He sounds terrified of upsetting you or putting too much on your plate. He will probably calm down but in the meantime I promise you that man is into you.

Men who aren’t, don’t try to be so considerate. Go get some hun!!!

I had the best orgasms ever when I was in the final few weeks of pregnancy! Tell him to go for it, don't miss out on the fun 😁.

I'm currently 7 months and im struggling with this..

We used to have sex sometimes multiple times a day almost everyday. He's my twin flame but since I've been pregnant he says it's different.. I've got from sexy and kinky to - I suppose an upgrade - the mother of his children.
The "treat me like a whore" fase has passed and my body will never be the same. We used to do OF and since then my self esteem has plummeted so hard I get anxiety if someone asks to take even a picture of me, they turn out awful because I look anxious. Further more my body has and is changing and I've been told a million times it will never be the same again.

I'm not confident anymore so the sex isn't as good and I know he knows it and in my first trimester I bled badly after a couple times we had sex so it scared him. Now in my third trimester I look at myself and I can't relax because I hate myself and he feels how tense I am. I pray to God it changes when I have the baby and I can get back to my old confident sexy self or else I don't know what to do.

I went right off sex during pregnancy, and when we spoke about it DH was both really supportive and I think a bit relieved. We both knew medically there was nothing wrong in having sex while pregnant but for me it just didn't feel right, I couldn't get my head around it especially once I could feel DS moving. I also had a bit of a horrific labour, tearing and an episiotomy so I think it was nearly six months after birth until we had sex, but it's made no difference whatsoever in the long term. DH said we're together for the rest of our lives even a year without is a blink of an eye.
Maybe you're DH fella a bit weird about it and it sounds like he's being respectful, especially given you've been so unwell

You should work on that instead, how on earth will you cope when you give birth?

Go for the sex as you would at any time, If it is not comfortable don't do it. For my first, everything was extremely uncomfortable, because the baby was in a difficult position. Late decision for C- section.
Second one went right in most ways. I carried on with hobby activities, work and sex well into the pregnancy.
Spoons position, it rested the bump, he was able to caress me. He was nearly under me to enter. Very Relaxing.

You won't damage the baby or you by carrying on.

Not exactly the same, but when DP was ill for a year, I found it really difficult to initiate sex. She was dealing with a lot and like your husband I didn't want to put her under any pressure. I was happy to let her take the lead, and have sex whenever she wanted to, but up till then usually I'd been the one to initiate, so she saw that as a rejection.

It took a while for us to actually communicate properly about it and actually see each others point of view, so my advice would just be to talk about it, and maybe accept that for now, you might need to take the lead a bit more.