Does anyone want to leave......but know they never will.

[pushingthrough]

Been together since we were very very young, we are now in our late 30s with 3 young children.

Im deeply unhappy for many many reasons, he is not physically abusive and is a great dad but we are very different.

Reasons im not leaving:

He may be classed the default parent as he does all school drop off and pickups as he works from home and i dont.

I cant see a way forward financially, I earn more than him but still couldn't afford to keep our house, and would never be able to sell and re buy in the area so the upheaval for the kids would be huge.

I think he could turn nasty and it could be a long fight.

I think i can hold out another 10 years for the kids then leave.

Would love the hear other peoples views.

As a general rule (that admits exceptions): Women mostly leave when they are absolutely fed up. Men tend to wait until they find a prospective replacement.

@MorrisZapp I agree with that. My experience of long relationships is that whilst some undoubtedly do work , many simply no longer do for all kinds of reasons- no one's fault really - you just don't feel the same

Second this, 100 times.

Divorce is not for cowards, it is much easier to stay in an unhappy marriage than to build the strength to break free. But I can assure that there is nothing more empowering than putting yourself back together and standing on your very own feet after losing yourself for years in an unhappy marriage.

I never thought I would say my happiest years and the most difficult ones are exactly same: the years after divorce.

It doesn’t mean I am living in continuos state of joy and laughter but there is an underlying sense of contentment and self confidence that nothing can take away.

If I could turn time back, I would still marry my exhusband as we had some very happy years in the beginning but I would divorce much earlier as it would have been easier to disentangle the mess we put together in the bad years and would have given us a better shot to coparent DS together well in separate households.

If you wait until you start throwing stuff to each other, you have left it too late. You will find it difficult to communicate freely to be able to put the children needs first, to parent them well presenting a united front, to welcome new challenges and you may even end up so damaged you may not be able to trust anyone to rebuild your life in the future.