Maybe I just don't understand how to date

[Dogknowsbest]

Historically, I've dated some really awful men. My most successful relationship, I consider to be with my ex-husband who I was with for 13 years but suffered with really bad anxiety to the point he became controlling. Since then I've had a 2 year relationship, which was very on off and 1 year relationship with a misogynist (he hid it for the first 8 months). There were also a couple of other dodgy people who I've nipped it in the bud with early due to concerning behaviour (one of them actually stalked me for a month after so he was definitely not right).

I worked out the one thing each of these men had in common is that they were love bombers. I've now started dating someone new. It's been nearly 2 months but I've actually realised I don't have a normal frame of reference. We seem to have settled into a routine where we speak once every 3 days and we see each other every other weekend (he lives over an hour away). It's still early days so I don't want to invest too much emotionally but does this seem like not very much? Part of me wants to speak to him more but because of my previous experiences, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

@Opentooffers

I'd say a call every 3 days for a LDR is OK, if you text in between. If its radio silence for 3 days, then it wouldn't be enough. Couple that with only every other week, I'd find that too infrequent to sustain it. Once a week minimum- the occasional longer gap due to illness or responsibilities that crop up is fine. 1 hour is not that far that it couldn't be weekly

But what's the point of saying all this? How can anybody guide another person with regards to what's 'ok' for them? If it was OK for OP, she wouldn't be posting, so stating all this timetabling is basically invalidating her feelings.

@Dogknowsbest Don't let anybody tell you what is ok and what's not ok. Your own feelings are the only thing that should guide and instruct you, and whatever anybody else says you 'should' be ok with is neither here nor there. Some people like contact almost constantly, some people lie contact quite infrequently. Nobody is doing it right or wrong. Find someone who has similar natural patterns to you. It's your responsibility to make sure that your communication needs are met, not his. If you tell him what you'd like, and for whatever reason, he doesn't or can't give it to you, then you have to work out whether to manage without it, or go elsewhere to look for it.

So I've just communicated my needs. I told him I wanted him to call me more often. He took a moment and then said "you know I realise, it's not very much. Will you give me a chance to put it right?" I've only just started to realise how powerful effective communication is.