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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So cross with DH

15 replies

Basilandparsleyandmint · 07/02/2024 19:39

After we had children my DH never could get up with them in early mornings/ nighttime if poorly. It always fell to me. I’m the toddler baby day, I would sit blurry eyed at 4-5am as they were early risers. My DH would be in bed as he couldn’t cope with early mornings. I took this as my due as I worked but part time and he wa the bread winner. I was exhausted but love d being with them and took it.
My DH also had a hobby when they were tiny which involved training and weekends spent doing the sport - cycling for anyone that knows what this involves.
I lived my family, accepted my DH really wasn’t a morning person. Got used to early mornings and putting the children to bed mostly as he loved his sport.
This is until recently. He gave up sport for a while as DS got into football but now DS has stopped.
DH has now found the ability to get up early I.e 5:30 am to go running.
i am absolutely bloody fuming. It feels as though that he has been a lazy, cheeky bugger. Am I wrong or should I just think it is okay ? All the years I would have loved a lie in !!

OP posts:
MumofLandD · 07/02/2024 20:35

I would be fuming!

thistimelastweek · 07/02/2024 20:40

It's not just the lie ins, you've just noticed he's selfish.

SwordToFlamethrower · 07/02/2024 20:46

He's a selfish shit who has completely taken Advantage of you.

You need to get him to redress the balance or you'll resent him forever.

Quitelikeit · 07/02/2024 20:47

If you are angry at anyone it should be yourself - you allowed this man to walk all over you

At the very minimum he should have been giving you a lie in on a weekend - yes it’s hard in those early days but you could have stood your ground!

I don’t think it matters that he gets up at 5 for a jog. He is doing what he wants and that’s because he always has been able to.

It takes some sort of man to never ever give his wife a lie in!

SameToo · 07/02/2024 20:54

He’s taken you for a mug! My husband is a cyclist and has pretty much given up the long weekend rides as he wants to spend time with his family.

hotshot9 · 07/02/2024 20:55

This reply has been deleted

This is the work of a previously banned poster - we're taking it down now.

Basilandparsleyandmint · 07/02/2024 21:00

you are right I should have stood my ground but I tied to lie there and wait for him to get up and he would t and the children needed something and I ended up needing a cup of tea as was wide awake so I ended up getting up. Or he would take them downstairs but ignore them to out tv on and they come back up to me. Lots of cross words would happen and I didn’t like it. So ended up just getting up.
am sure it sounds weak and ridiculous but that busy how it happened and I got on with it.
now however I am older, wiser and furious.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 07/02/2024 21:01

F

Windydaysandwetnights · 07/02/2024 21:06

He was always a lazy fucker. Sadly you were too tired to see it. . Have you a ddog /toddler in a buggy he can take with him? You need a hobby that gets you out and leaving him with the whole family caboodle..

SeriouslySad · 07/02/2024 21:08

What are you going to do about it OP?

Basilandparsleyandmint · 07/02/2024 21:15

i have a hobby now that I started a few years ago that involves me getting up early and did this as I knew he would be at home. Now he is wanting to get up early too. I don’t like leaving my dd 13 at home at this time of the morning alone. I know she is old enough in lots of respects but it’s early doors and what is she needed someone.
lots of cross words at the moment and me reminding him how he could never get up.
he is cross that I am getting at him.
feels very smoke screening for hi to get his own way and tantrums.
i am not fond of upset and arguments but feel justified

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 07/02/2024 21:15

And this is why divorce spikes in middle age! The penny drops.

Nanny0gg · 07/02/2024 23:19

Just keep pointing out that it's your turn to have some time and he can wait till you're back

If that doesn't work, consider your options

pikkumyy77 · 08/02/2024 00:14

Basilandparsleyandmint · 07/02/2024 21:15

i have a hobby now that I started a few years ago that involves me getting up early and did this as I knew he would be at home. Now he is wanting to get up early too. I don’t like leaving my dd 13 at home at this time of the morning alone. I know she is old enough in lots of respects but it’s early doors and what is she needed someone.
lots of cross words at the moment and me reminding him how he could never get up.
he is cross that I am getting at him.
feels very smoke screening for hi to get his own way and tantrums.
i am not fond of upset and arguments but feel justified

Well payback is a bitch. (To use an Americanism). Don’t let him distract you with handwaving and anger. He owes you and your child some parenting time.

JumalanTerve · 08/02/2024 04:06

To continue with the Americanism theme, this is a good article by 'Dr Psych Mom' (who despite the ridiculous name gives some great relationship advice) on empathic ruptures (when you can't forgive your partner for past actions) and how to move forward from them. It's helped me in my marriage. https://www.drpsychmom.com/empathic-ruptures-when-you-cant-forgive-your-partner-for-not-being-there-for-you/

Empathic Ruptures: When You Can't Forgive Your Partner

Working through empathic ruptures can be the difference between a happy, reconnected marriage and one headed toward divorce.

https://www.drpsychmom.com/empathic-ruptures-when-you-cant-forgive-your-partner-for-not-being-there-for-you

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