Hi everyone.
So I'm a PhD student in a medium cost of living area. Prior to my PhD I lived in San Diego making like $30k/yr as a lab tech and it was really rough. I had so many side babysitting jobs to make ends meet and worked like 7 days a week. In college same deal, I paid rent starting my junior year and had to work a ton. I was always exhausted.
Then I started a PhD program and finally had a better salary, but I had no car in a very car dependent city. I ended up getting into a serious relationship rather quickly and he had a car, so problem solved, sort of. I made a terrible decision about 9 months later by deciding to move in with him into a house that had no public transport nearby, so I became entirely dependent on him for his car. This was so stupid of me but I figured since we both work at the same school it would be fine. Plus it was a nice big house and a good rent price.
Things went south quickly. Going to school for the most part was okay, but he would make me late to class multiple times because he was eating breakfast, etc. I had no power to be like "we're leaving!" even when I had told him multiple times exactly when I need to leave by. And multiple times we would wake up and he would say he needs to leave in 20 minutes, no warning to me, so I wouldn't have time to shower or anything and would just get left behind. Then I'd have to pay $20 to uber to school. By far the worst is when I have to pick him up. I will leave school earlier than him because he stays until like 7/8:00. He'll tell me he's ready to get picked up and then I'll get there, he won't answer the phone, and I'll sit in the parking lot for 20-25 minutes until he come out. I feel so angry and disrespected in these moments. It takes me 15 minutes to drive to school, you can't be ready when I get there? Why say you're ready to go home if you're not? One time I was so fed up that I just drove back home and he called me screaming at me to bring the car back saying I have no right to drive away with his car etc. etc. Not to mention the fact that because we drive to school together, he gets access to a parking lot right next to his building (via a carpool pass) that he typically wouldn't be able to use. AND we have a dog (another poor decision), who I go home to and take care of so she doesn't have to sit in a crate for 12 hours.
I have finally put my foot down and expressed to him how disrespected I have felt and how I can't continue being this frustrated and feeling this dependent on him for two more years. He has agreed to move if I can find a more convenient place, and if we can't find a place he 'promises' to be ready when I show up. It does seem like he 'heard' me when I told him how I feel so unappreciated and disrespected by him due to the car issues.
But I do wonder, is going through the whole hassle of moving and finding a new place together really worth it. Honestly I get the sense that the only reason he's being sympathetic and promising to change is because he really likes our house and doesn't want to move. I expressed my feelings to him multiple times before and it never felt like he gave a shit, but once I threatened to not renew the lease then he started being nice. It sucks because we have a dog, and I can't leave her with him because I don't trust him to get home at a decent time to walk her and be a good pet owner. And I feel limited in my ability to take care of her because the 1 bedroom apartments in our area have gotten too expensive for me to afford, and I'm doubtful that a roommate will be comfortable living with a rambunctious pitfall.
I feel so trapped and confused right now. I don't know what to do! I do love my boyfriend but I worry that these communication/respect issues will continue no matter what even if the car is no longer an issue since I will be able to get to campus myself. Help?
TL;DR I'm unsure if moving will solve my relationship problems or if I should just kind of restart my life and find somewhere new to live by myself.