Feel weird about this…

[RosieAway]

Something a male friend said to me a few months back keeps haunting me, so asking here re thoughts on it and what others do…

Basically he was seeing a woman who had three children (2 little girls aged about 6 and 8 and an older teenager boy)… he commented on how relaxed her parenting was, and on questioning, it turned out that he only saw her at her house for “dates” - whereby she’d give the children dinner by calling them to the table, then they’d disappear off somewhere to have it, while my friend and the woman had dinner together and then went to bed! I asked if she put them to bed and did baths etc, he said no?!
Apparently they only saw each other about 4 times, and this was the norm each time. One morning a little girl came into the room and saw him in bed. While he thought it was slightly odd, I thought it was absolutely bonkers and neglectful! The woman has a very senior job and is in her 40s. Shes met someone else now apparently.

Am I right in thinking this is a weird way to introduce your children to someone new? I’m not sure why I’m still thinking about it, but the thought of those kids putting themselves to bed has really stayed with me!

I don’t know what I think. On the one hand, it does seem sad that they put themselves to bed and potentially disturbing to find a stranger in bed in their house. On the other hand, maybe every other night they were beautifully looked after and she had asked the teenager to put them to bed that night because she had a guest. It must be hard to have a new relationship when you’ve got three children and it must be nice to know everyone is safe at home while you do it. It doesn’t sound like it was every night.

How old was the teen? Not something I would do but doesn’t sound much different from a teen babysitting younger children only mum was in the house so obviously he wasn’t fully responsible for them and plenty of teens babysit without their parent around. I’m on single parent groups and many many women introduce men to their kids straight away, you would be surprised, what are you asking exactly? If people would report it? Unfortunately you can’t police people like that and there is nothing to report.

Thanks for those insights. No, it’s not that I want to report it at all… I guess I’m interested in what’s the “norm” when you’re a single parent (as I am) when it comes to introducing new partners. As I am so far the other way (very very careful about introducing anyone new and def not bringing them to my house) that I suddenly thought perhaps I’m being overly cautious to the detriment of my relationships. My child absolutely comes first, and as my mother exposed me to her sex life (not with my dad) from an early age, I’m clearly a bit triggered by this and also working out what’s reasonable for myself and my child.

I had NO idea people were bringing their new partners home so quickly! So all a bit eye opening

There’s no norm, people do what they want, lots of women introduce their partners quickly to their children as “friends” I’ve even heard of women taking their kids on dates, doesn’t mean you have to. If you read the stories in the paper some women have men move in with them after 2 weeks 🤷‍♀️ each to their own…

Probably it depends how you think your particular child would handle it (although that may be affected by how you unconsciously present it).

I’m sure if your instinct is telling you your child would be confused or upset to be exposed to a succession of partners then you’re right.

I don’t think you’ll ever regret prioritising your child’s well-being. And hopefully it won’t be to the detriment of your love life. I’m sure if you’re keen to sleep with someone there will be another way of doing it.