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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why has he done this?

12 replies

LolaTheShowgirl · 21/03/2008 21:09

I was with an ex for 3 years from age 18-24. We lived together for about 6 months before we broke up. The reason we broke up is because he tended to put my weight down alot and the night before I suspected he was having an affair so asked him and he told me he wasn't, but he was in love with this girl from uni and she didn't even know. I suspect she may have been a close friend. In this relationship, whenever I told him I loved him he could never say it back and when I asked him if he did love me, he always told me he didn't know but was affectionate and loving otherwise. I haven't seen him in person for 3 years.

We stayed in touch via msn since then and chat on there maybe 3 times a month or so. Usually a very basic conversation asking how each other are and chatting about work.

Today he was on and he said hello first. Very unusual for him! We had a little chat and then he asked me when I was getting married. I replied that since I haven't even got a man yet, I will wait til mr right comes along but til then work comes first. I asked him the same question he told me he was in love with someone from my village so I asked who, thinking I may know her. So he said my name and that I was his dream girl. He never even said this the whole time we were together. We then reminised for a bit and I told him he had his chance all those years ago when we was together and then I said 'you are such a joker' and he replied 'ha ha ha, someone has to be'.

Now I feel deflated. It was all a joke. It has been 3 years but I thought, "oh, he finally sees something in me" and thought that now we're both more mature something can happen.

The conversation ended with me saying I have to go but we should meet sometime for a catch up over a coffee and he just replied 'yea'.

I hate men!

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 21/03/2008 21:11

To me it sounded like he was trying to deflect the hurt of you saying no to him, like he was sounding you out and then had to pretend he didn't mean it.

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyCave · 21/03/2008 21:11

Lola, I am sorry but he sounds like a loser. I am sure there are much nicer men out there for a nice girl like you.

stirlingmum · 21/03/2008 21:13

He may have meant it but because he thought you may not have felt the same way he could have turned it into a joke. Maybe?

LolaTheShowgirl · 21/03/2008 21:13

Aww thanks for the nice replies. He was never the type who said slushy things or was particularly loving towards me so i'm not sure if he was genuine Jodie. Does someone realise what they've lost 3 years down the line?

Quint, he probably is a loser. He was then and a leopard doesn't change his spots, right?

OP posts:
LolaTheShowgirl · 21/03/2008 21:14

Should I send him an email asking if it was a joke then? If it is a joke, I will sound like a right idiot though!

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyAnEmptyCave · 21/03/2008 21:16

oh dont email him, dont give him the satisfaction!

peasoup · 21/03/2008 21:18

Don't email him. Ignore him. What would it achieve? If it wasn't a joke and he loves you, then believe me he'll get in touch. if it was a joke and he was just winding you up then why humiliate yourself by emailing him?

littlewoman · 21/03/2008 21:21

Yes someone can realise that they have lost something special 3 years down the line. Especially if he hasn't found anything better than you since. At least it proves he must find something special about you. I think he probably was fishing to see if you were still interested.

peasoup · 21/03/2008 21:23

If he is that interested he'll get in touch to go for a coffee; if he isn't interesetd he won't, so please don't bother emailing him.

WinkyWinkola · 21/03/2008 21:58

Sounds like mind games to me. He might even be in love with you a bit but not enough to cherish you and care for you.

I'd just avoid contact with him. He's really not the one for you.

Don't wait around for him to do all the things you're hoping for. You're setting yourself up for disappointment.

WallOfSilence · 21/03/2008 22:03

My god. Just ignore him!

He sounds like an attention seeker

madamez · 21/03/2008 22:07

He's probably just been dumped and thought 'That Lola was always mad about me, I will get in touch with her and have my ego stroked'. Also, some people always want what they can't have. Ignore the silly sod and move on.

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