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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Utterly stuck

2 replies

NotReadyForSlipperz · 07/02/2024 08:15

Utterly stuck and don't know where to go. Married 20 years, 3 kids. Went through a horrendous patch ten years ago with emotional abuse (almost veering to physical) silent treatment, blazing rows etc. Turned out he was an alcoholic and hiding drink hence my confusion at what was going on. Long story short he got help and hasn't drunk since and I supported him. He's 100 % sober now and very content to be sober. But I guess I haven't moved on. Things are fine, the kids are happy and don't remember the bad times. But I do. Somettimes we have a great laugh but this week brought it all back.. He has periods of depression and anxiety and is in a dip now and although I should be supportive i find the silence and the low mood very triggering as it reminds ne of the drinking years. I'm snapping at him rather than helping, or just staying out of his way. I fantasise about leaving but in a magical thinking way like what if he just disappeared. If we split I could manage the family and house but would probably have to support him too as I earn more (he works hard but has stayed in a low paid job given the anxiety etc). I just feel utterly stuck. The house seems to revolve around his needs. I'm 53 years old... fit and healthy and have friends and a great job I love... where do I go from here?

OP posts:
insidethisissue · 07/02/2024 08:22

how long did the horrendous patch last?

did you ever seek counselling?

NotReadyForSlipperz · 07/02/2024 08:43

insidethisissue · 07/02/2024 08:22

how long did the horrendous patch last?

did you ever seek counselling?

A few years, hard to put a time on it because hidden drinking etc. Yes I did counselling and was told I never put myself first.

OP posts:
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