If your ex did this to you wwyd?

[Onehouratatime]

Hi guys.
Background :- if you broke up with your ex after he broke your boundaries multiple times with another female friend, then blocked you pretty instantly for 4 months then popped back up after he saw a pic of you on a night out looking fab and you agreed to fix the relationship and essentially back together but take it slow - during the discussion about getting back together you point blank ask your ex If they have slept with anyone else they say no absolutely not they have been broken and heartbroken since the split however 2 weeks into "fixing" the relationship your ex's ex calls you to say they had been sleeping together the whole time you had been split up (and possibly before the split) you confront your ex/dp and his response is "oh shit"

He then apologises for lying and going back to his ex and then in the next breathe says its irrelevant anyway you wernt together. The ex of your ex tells you he's been begging to get her back saying your a mistake and your crazy and abusive (all not true, infact the ex has told the same story about his ex to you that he told her about you).

What would you do in this situation?
Just interested and guess I'm 2nd guessing myself. Be honest

FGS why did you take him back?

OP if you're constantly on MN posting about your boyfriend or ex boyfriends behaviour then he's not the one.

What would you do in this situation?
Just interested and guess I'm 2nd guessing myself. Be honest

In the kindest possible way OP what you need to do is get yourself to therapy to really learn about boundaries and healthy relationships because this is getting ridiculous.

What a bizarre post. @Onehouratatime it surely can't be that much if a shock to you that people think you should dump an abusive arsehole and eject him from your life?! What did you think people would say? "He sounds like husband material"??

@altmember it's not what he did it's more the lying to my face. I didn't get a honest answer which is why it's a problem.

@FreeZor I think you've misread my post.

@kkloo I'm after other people's views on it. I'm interested as to other people's thoughts. I do need therapy yes however it's not as easy as that for me due to my home life situation and dcs! I 2nd guess myself continually due to alot of past trauma etc

I shouldn't of took him back in the first place no. However I thought we were laying it on the table having open honest communication hence why I did... very silly of me to think he could be honest right!

Thank you for your support guys. Shouldn't 2nd guess myself. I'm going to find some self worth somewhere haha

You really need to not date in the meantime then if you don't understand healthy relationships and you second guess your decisions.

And I say that as someone who also had abusive relationships and really took a long time out of dating.

You said he breached your boundaries multiple times. I remember that thread and you kept reminding him what your 'boundaries' are. No one should be able to breach your boundaries multiple times because you should be well gone.

In the meantime if you can't access therapy then there are lots of books and resources etc. out there that might help you to learn about healthy relationships and boundaries etc. Invest that time into your self rather than into a man.

Of course you didn't get an honest answer though.

The truth is awful.
He was sleeping with his ex the whole time, and was cheating on you with her before you split up.
He was also cheating on her with you before they split up.

And then he tells the 2 of you that the other one is crazy and blah blah the usual shit just to cover his tracks if he ever did get caught out...because then he could say "oh I told you she was crazy".

If when you asked him had he slept with anyone else since the split he had said "Yes actually I was seeing my ex again" then that wouldn't have been the total truth anyway.

Don't know why I tried again with this guy to be honest!!

It was never going to be alright with him don't know why I bothered!! He's really set me back with all the head fuckery

If anyone is still here do you think he Is possibly a narc?

Honestly OP, I don't think it matters even if he is. He's been an utter bastard towards you and the questioning of his motives aren't helping you move on. Continue to block, ignore and repeat that none of this is your fault but him being a pig.

Focus on yourself and your DC!

Agree that it doesn’t matter if he’s a narcissist. He’s just a whole lot of hassle and you deserve better.

Thank you guys your totally right

Ok, OP, I'll answer your questions.

Why does he lie to you?

Because he doesn't love you but he does love being able to get you into bed, being able to control you and generally fuck with you body and mind, if not soul.

It's fun for him and he likes doing it to as many women as possible at the same time.

To him you're a toy to be played with. A resource for sex, food, lodging and money.

He's actually told you that he does what he has to to get what he wants. It's in your post. Read it and believe it.

@TeaGinandFags this is so right..... you are right massively

Similar to my own experience. Block everything, no contact, it's the only way. Recently I had 'Can we just start from new as friends?' But I know that's just a route to being used again, just in slightly different ways.
There's no going back.