Do you ever truly recover?

[Ratraced]

My relationship ended two months ago but somehow some things are hitting me worse now than they did at the beginning. I think I’m slowly coming to the realisation that I have absolutely no idea who my partner was and the thought terrifies me.

In retrospect there were so many signs but I didn’t see or understand them. He was so so perfect at the beginning and at times and then so different at other times. Cheated throughout and for such a long time this never even occurred to me. Like a fool I just trusted him and now I wonder if I will ever be able to trust someone again. I saw no signs …so either I am stupid or there are genuinely people out there who will fool you either way?

The worst moment was when I had some evidence and confronted him and he didn’t even bother lying any more. He smiled, and at the same time he didn’t (I know this doesn’t make sense). He smiled and admitted it all and made me feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. It was the worst of it all and I’m not sure it I can ever be more humiliated. I really don’t trust myself or anyone right now and I still feel ashamed. Does this get better and do people recover? I really don’t want to feel like this forever and I feel so miserable distrusting everyone one.
I’m on a waiting list to see a councillor but right now I don’t think that anyone can fix this.

Time heals all wounds
I think it's very easy to deceive someone when they desperately want to believe something which is why the advice to self love and working on your vulnerabilities is constantly dished out because it essentially protects you from being deceived or attached to the wrong people. Being stupid isn't the worst quality, certainly not worse than being a cheater. Someone being perfect should make you skeptical. Nobody is perfect.

It's horrible OP. I share your sense of feeling like you've misplaced your trust. It's a gut wrenching pain. I remind myself that I will be fine because I always am ... it's okay to take a little time to get there. I am not sure this helps but I would like to just give you some support.

It's still very early days. Things will get better.

You're not a fool to trust someone you love.

He is an utter dick.

The smiling thing is weird. However, be "grateful" that he didn't lie and galslight you. He told the truth, you're not stuck in some emotional purgatory of knowing the truth and having him swear blind it's not so.

You are a good person. Good people trust people. He is the damaged trash.

Put this down to a learning experience, you said there were signs in retrospect, I've had similar ( though it was subtle). I bet you got an occasional quizzical feeling that you put aside and ignored. Take heart in that, you noticed stuff, and next time you'll do more about it.
It's OK to start from a place of trust, but blind trust can lead to great upset. Your eyes will be more open in future and that's natural, and to a degree necessary if you are doing OLD. You learnt to act sooner about the signs and you learnt that he can't be trusted, doesn't mean all men can't be, but a fair proportion can't so blind faith is not a place to start from anyway. Give it time, 2 weeks is nothing.

2 months is nothing.

You heal but it takes time.
The person you loved was the person you thought he was not who he actually is.

You will heal. Meditation, positive affirmations and doing something you can channel your focus into helps. You are grieving and you will swing through anger, acceptance and sadness. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions no matter how much they hurt. Journalling may also help.

Yes, you will recover. But overcoming betrayal takes time and you have to learn to trust yourself again and learn that whatever shame you feel is not yours to carry.

For what its worth it took me a few years not a few months to really, fully recover and it wasn't a linear journey either.

It’s so hard op. I am a few months further along than you in a similar situation. Mine also admitted everything and to be fair was remorseful and seemed sorry to have hurt me, but still dumped me for the other woman. I am trying very hard not to blame myself- he’s the one who lied, cheated and deceived someone he said he loved. I didn’t do anything wrong other than pick the wrong man. I am still very upset but I believe in time it will get better.

spend time with friends, journal your feelings, accept that you are grieving the future you thought you had as well as the relationship.

I remember the day I found out my ex husband had been sleeping around town, small town, and I had no clue, not one, was so blizzfully happy and so when it all came to blows I was floored.

So I get how you feel.

But its not your fault for trusting him, not your fault at all and sounds like your ex was awful, your ex is the one with the issue, not you.

You have nothing to feel bad over, in fact you should keep that head up.

Yes it will take time to find yourself again but you will learn to trust again, it takes time but it will happen. You didnt do anything wrong.