So confused following chat with ex

[25smallstacey]

Hi,

I wrote a post over the weekend about emailing my ex and he replied. I now feel terrible and i'm trying to understand why. It's like I've been the one left feeling terribly guilty/sad.

He ended things a few weeks ago and emotion hit me and I felt really annoyed. We had been doing a lot of chat about the future/planning and I felt messed around. I told him so and he thought I overreacted. He since wanted to meet but I told him I was too upset to do so. I wrote him an email telling him how I felt in terms of being messed around so he could see my side of it.

Last night he replied saying it's been a hard few weeks and he doesn't want to feel like bad anymore. He said I'm very difficult to read and he feels like he's letting me down all the time. He said he became burnt out by trying to make us work. He said he has really low confidence and needs to work on that.

I'm not sure if he's just making excuses. I always feel our relationship is at the mercy of how he feels and I always end up feeling guilty/bad towards him.

Despite all of this, I have just always wanted to make it work and I'm somewhat confused as to how I've ended up the one feeling guilt.

it sounds like you both found the relationship to be hard work, which is a good indicator you were not compatible and its for the better that you have broke up

You're chatting, you're e-mailing, you're meeting up...
OP, I'm going to be blunt. But you've broken up.
There is zero reason for you to still be communicating this intensely.

Whatever you're feeling, whether it's sad or angry or annoyed or disappointed, they are no longer emotions you need to be sharing with him. He's not your boyfriend anymore.
They are yours to deal with now. Grieve, take time to process the sudden end of the relationship, mourn over the person you thought you had a future with. Just stop contacting him over it. It's not healthy.

Whatever happened is in the past. It's done now. Move on with your life.

Stop it and step WAY WAY back. You'll probably find once the fog clears you no longer feel guilty / unreasonable. Either way, this isn't healthy so best avoided. Wish him well, block, delete, move on.

You both sound young and immature in your own ways.
There is no right and wrong in feelings. You feel messed about. He feels he is not enough and constantly letting you down.

In simple words - you two don’t work at this time. Maybe because you each have your personal insecurities.
This is what relationships in your early/mid 20s are supposed to be for - to learn about yourself; what works; what doesn’t.

Eventually you’ll meet someone where it will not be as hard work. And then it’ll feel right.

We are in our late 30s and early 40s so unfortunately the days of being in our 20s are long gone but thanks for the tough love. It's probably needed

Anyone who makes you feel guilty, sad, low etc after contact with them is probably not Mr Right. Your gut is onto something here. Do you genuinely like this guy or just the idea of what life could be like with him if he was actually quite different?